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Tag: planning

The Kids Are Ready…But Are You??

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Their backpack is brimming with new notebooks and supplies. You’ve loaded their lunch account with money, and their pens and pencils are ready to solve tricky math problems and write wonderfully creative stories. 

Your kids are ready to start the new school year…but are you?

School can be anxiety producing for parents, particularly for parents of neurodivergent kiddos. In addition to homework, projects, and after school activities, ADHD parents spend every day waiting for the shoe to drop. Waiting for the homework that has been left at school, the assignment due tomorrow that your child remembers at 10pm, or the phone call from the teacher, about your child’s various and sundry challenges that they’re not sure how to handle.

It’s exhausting. And disheartening.

Here, in no particular order, are five ways you can prepare yourself for your child’s school year, in order to make this year less stressful for YOU.

Wake up 15 – 30 minutes before your children do – We all like to roll over and get that last few minutes of sleep. But there is something so calming, and so wonderful, about having a few minutes of quiet before the day roars in. The time is yours, to use as you wish – coffee, meditating, working out, checking email, watching birds hovering at your bird feeder – however you would like to start your morning. 

Keep an updated calendar for the entire family Whether you use a Skylight, Google Calendar, or a big whiteboard, having a calendar where ALL of your family’s appointments, activities, major projects, and tests are in one place allows for better planning. It also enables your ADHD kiddo(s) to be supported in their time management challenges; encourage them, when they ask if they can meet up with friends on any given day, to check the calendar for their availability (and yours, if you need to drive them).

Practice talking less  As parents, many of us (myself included) feel the need to explain ourselves to our kids. “No, you can’t go out now, it’s 9pm,” turns into “No, you can’t go out now, it’s close to your bedtime, and I don’t want you to get to bed late, and then be tired tomorrow. You have a test, and you need to…” Your child hasn’t listened to anything beyond “no.” And you’ve used precious energy overexplaining. Keep it simple. If your child has questions or objections, they will most certainly let you know!

Find something to do consistently that shows obvious results Raising kids is about playing the long game. What you do today may not net results for years, or ever. Having something that enables you to net some quick progress is not only satisfying, it can mitigate feeling like you are getting nowhere. Reading, knitting, coding, baking, refinishing furniture – anything with a short term easily identified result can balance out that long term commitment. 

Be aware of your emotional temperature, and take a break when you need to  Learning how it feels to be hovering on the edge of exploding is something we try to teach our ADHD kids that struggle with emotional dysregulation; but are we applying this to ourselves? Feeling your face get hot, your heartbeat increase – those signals shouldn’t be ignored! If you find yourself about to lose it, take a short break. If you can get outside and take a walk, great. If not, hide in the bathroom or bedroom, and take deep breaths for a few minutes. Raising any kid, but particularly a neurodivergent child, can be very challenging to your patience – but blowing up at your kiddo won’t solve the problem, and will only leave the two of you feeling awful. Avoiding that icky feeling is worth taking a time out for a few minutes.

As they say in “The Hunger Games,” “may the odds ever be in your favor.” Put another way…have a great start to what will hopefully be a wonderful year!!

No Summer Slide For Executive Functions!

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In the words of Alice Cooper:

School’s out for summer,

School’s out forever.

I’m bored to pieces.

Before you hear that chorus of “Mom, what should I do? I don’t have anything to do. Tell my brother/sister to stop hitting me!” or you just surrender to letting the kids go on their iPads for eight hours, here are a few fun activities that in addition to keeping your kids occupied, will give them some great executive function practice (Ssshhhh! Don’t tell them this!) Note: these activities are designed for you or another adult to do with your child, in order to keep the task structured. Over time, your child may learn to structure these activities on their own.

Planning an outing – this could be anything from a trip to the ice cream shop, to a day at the beach, to a weekend at a hotel. Starting from the end goal, determine what steps are needed to get there (for example, going to the ice cream shop requires money and transportation; you need to know when you are going, how to get there, who is going and extending invitations to those who are not part of the planning, and what kind of ice cream you would like to get). Writing the steps is great practice for planning school projects and homework! More complex outings will require more planning; perhaps divide this up if you have more than one child involved. Executive functions utilized:  planning, organization, time management, working memory, emotional control, sustained attention, goal directed persistence, flexibility.

Cooking/Baking – Following a recipe is a great way to exercise the executive functions. And bonus! Math skills! The steps are already determined, but gathering ingredients and utensils, working with a timer (if necessary), deciding how much to make (doubling or halving definitely uses math), what size serving dish or bowls are needed – all of these can help your child use their executive function muscles. And think about the self esteem boost that comes from completing something delicious! Executive functions utilized: planning, organization, time management, working memory, emotional control, sustained attention, goal directed persistence, flexibility.

Crafts – there are so many different crafts, I couldn’t begin to list them all here. Crafting involves having a vision of what you would like the end result to be, and then determining the steps and materials that are needed to get there. So for example, if your child wanted to create a painting (assuming they have paint in the house), they would first have to decide what they would like their painting to look like. Planning backwards (and again, writing the tasks down), the steps would include putting on a smock, finding paper, paints, brushes and water, spreading newspaper on the table for spills, perhaps drawing the picture first, painting, and then cleaning up. After that, they can gather the materials (discussing these first is also good planning practice) and follow the steps to create their own Mona Lisa!  Executive functions utilized: planning, organization, time management, working memory, emotional control, sustained attention, goal directed persistence, flexibility.

These are just a few examples of how your child can continue their executive function development over the summer. So next time your child is “bored to pieces,” pull out that recipe book or paintbrush, and give those executive functions some exercise!

Structures That Work For YOU To Get Things Done

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I spend a lot of time trying out different task management systems. You name it, it’s lived for a time on my phone. I think a lot of us do this, hoping that THIS will be THE ONE that solves the problem, and ensures that this time you will get your oil changed on time (oh crap! I’d better look into that!).

I’ve learned, though, that in order to find apps or journals that will help-and they really can-you need to first understand just where you need support in the task completion process. 

Completing a task that you are not working on immediately has three parts. First, is knowing that there is a task, and understanding what completing that task involves. Second, is remembering that you need to do this task, when it is due, and where it stands in terms of prioritization. Third is actually working on the task, whether it is doing the entire thing at one time, or doing it in parts (in which case you need to understand what parts must be done first).

To find the Holy Grail of organizational systems-or just something that works, most of the time-it is important to know where in the task completion process you find yourself flailing about.

For example, I am fine with knowing that there is a task, and understanding what I need to do. I am also fairly diligent about working on the task. But that can only happen if I actually remember that I need to do something. And that is where it all falls apart, for me.

The area in which I need support is remembering that there IS a task, and paying attention to where it exists on the food chain of my life. Which means that a to-do list, organized according to urgency and importance, can bridge the gap for me. 

If task initiation is a challenge, reminders and alarms may be your best friend. And time blocking-putting the task into your calendar as an event-can help you to actually “see” the time to start.

You may be on top of remembering, and getting down to business. But you may have difficulty with knowing how long certain jobs will take, and scheduling too much in one day. Apps that have you plan out each day, and actually warn you when you are doing the Future Overwhelm Dance, might be right for you.

Some people do better with writing it all down, in journals, on whiteboards, with index cards. Others leave their journals everywhere except where they need them, but having access to a digitally based system makes it as simple as picking up their smartphone to see what’s on their plate. And there are those who use a combination of analog and digital.

And some people have an accountability buddy who texts reminders.

There are many different ways one can struggle with the task of doing tasks-and just as many ways to deal with that chink in the armor. Knowing where YOU struggle can help you to find the right structural support. It can also help you to avoid trying app after app after journal after list. 

Now let me check on that oil change….