- Back At It
The last time I wrote a blog post was November 4, 2024.
It would sound so legit if I were to say that so many earth shattering things had occurred in my life, I just didn’t have an extra second to devote to blogging. Or that I’d found someone who said they would write the blog for me, and then they absconded with their payment, and didn’t write a thing. Drama always distracts from the facts.
But in reality, and truthfully…I just wasn’t feeling it. Since I am my own boss, the urgency level is determined by me. It’s super easy to tell my employee (me) “oh, that’s not really a priority right now.” Just because it’s something I wasn’t in the mood to do.
Sound familiar?
We all have those tasks that we can convince ourselves really aren’t important, or are just not important at the moment. Often, and not so coincidentally, these are the things that we also don’t feel like doing. Plus with ADHD, importance doesn’t have the same power that it does for neurotypicals. If you’ve ever struggled to start on your taxes, you know what I’m saying.
So how did I get back to my laptop and start writing a blog post? Here are a couple of strategies that helped.
1 – Discard embarrassment – we can get completely stuck by being concerned with what others will think. The reality is, it’s pretty unlikely that anyone cares enough to be thinking “Oh, here’s Annette’s blog. She’s really been slacking off on this.” If someone actually has noticed that my blog has been on an unannounced hiatus, that might mean they actually read it, which would be a positive!
2 – Find value in the task – A potential client, when contacting me to set up a Discovery Session, said that he gets my “newsletter.” This was a solid indicator that the blog was having a direct impact on my business. Seeing what it is about this task that will make your life easier or better in some way can nudge you towards getting started, or in my case, re-started.
3 – INCUP – According to Dr. Thomas Brown, ADHD brains are interest based (anyone who has spent hours absorbed in learning about something relatively obscure can attest to this). Therefore, per Dr. Brown, motivation for ADHDers comes from interest, novelty, challenge, urgency, or passion (otherwise known as INCUP).”Sure,” you say,”that works great when it’s something I find compelling. But how about something I’m just not into?” The trick is to turn the task into something that has at least one of the INCUP motivators going for it. In my case, I went for novelty by body doubling with a friend to write my first blog post of 2025. I added in some urgency by telling my body doubling partner what I was going to be working on, inserting some accountability into the equation. I could’ve tried a challenge, and seen how quickly I could get a post done. Or passion, by first making a list of blog posts I’d be excited to write.
4 – Rewards – there are many things I might want to do this afternoon instead of writing this blog post. So I will let myself do them – after the post is written.
All in all, writing this blog post felt very comfortable for me. And I was able to get it done, using the strategies above.
Welcome back to me!
- Crossing the Finish Line With ADHD
Yesterday I went to mile 22-ish to cheer my daughter on at the New York City Marathon (and yes, she did great!!). As I stood on a Manhattan street corner, a sea of runners moved past me. They were all ages, sizes, and all running at different speeds. I saw a woman pushing a man in a wheelchair, and a blind man running with guides. Some people looked like they were out for a relaxed jog, while you could see the pain of every step written on the agonized faces of others.
I found myself studying the runners, looking for clues to connect a runner’s demeanor with…something. Of course, the major factor for all competitive runners is training, which I could not see. But there are other more observable differences. Some runners were running, others were doing a combination of running and walking. There were runners who had doused themselves with water, and were dripping wet, trying to stay cool on a sunny day. Shorts were worn by some; pants by others, with jackets and hats. In other words, each runner had adjusted their pace, and their environment, to their own particular needs.
In my coaching practice, I often come across clients who seem stunned when I suggest making some changes that could make life easier-reminders, alarms, a text from me as their coach-and say “I should be able to do this on my own!” Says who? Your unique brain might need something different from the brain of the guy in the cubicle next door. That doesn’t make you wrong or weak-just different. Being neurodivergent means recognizing this, and honoring it.
Let’s be clear here. The marathon is 26.2 miles, and it is not made shorter for anyone. There might be ways to mitigate those miles – taping your knees, having a great podcast cued up-but you must run each and every mile.
Work and home projects work the same way. Filing your paperwork, or cleaning out your closet, cannot be shortened if you are to bring them to completion. But listening to music, or making a game of cleaning, or body doubling with a friend, can help to support your efforts. Which isn’t cheating-it’s smart.
In the end, I have never heard of someone being disqualified from the marathon because they wore compression socks. As long as they have crossed the finish line, they are marathoners. And no one will say you didn’t send out thank you notes because you rewarded yourself with ice cream when you were done. They’ll probably say “that’s brilliant!”
- My Prime Days Picks For ADHDers!
Prime Days are here! (July 16 and 17). Here are some products that I think are great for ADHDers and people with executive function struggles. Many are kid related – back to school is not too far away – but a few are for adults and/or kids. Happy Shopping!
POPRUN Magnetic Weekly Dry Erase Calendar
What makes this particular dry erase calendar a favorite? I love that you can write in the times of day on the left side. This enables you, and your family, to see exactly how the day will look. Dentist from 3pm to 4pm? It’ll be blocked out. White space? Ah, that’s free time! Helping those with time blindness actually see time is such a benefit. https://amzn.to/4bLKFLe
Essex Wares Classroom Pocket Chart
I’m harkening back to my teaching days to recommend this pocket chart. This is a great tool to use for morning or evening routines – list the steps (or better yet, take pictures of your child completing the steps), and when they finish each task, they can turn the card over. Kind of low tech, I know, but that tactile zing one gets when turning over that card is very satisfying! Adults can use it too, it’s great for tasks with a few or several steps that are completed (when we remember) over time – yes, laundry, I’m looking at you! https://amzn.to/3zKojwq
Storage Cubes with Windows and Hooks
And speaking of laundry…it’s possibly the biggest challenge I come across the most with my clients. Hate doing it, hate starting it, can’t move clothes from washer to dryer….and the biggest issue, putting the clothes away. I’m a big believer in making the system work for you, not the other way around. So, two ideas: first, put hooks in your closet, and use them for items that you’d like hung up, but loathe the thought of putting them on hangers. And second, does everything need to be folded? Nope! Underwear, socks, maybe tee shirts and workout clothes, can all just be tossed into one of these fabulous storage cubes. The window lets you see what lives there. It also enables a heads up as to when you are running out of underwear. https://amzn.to/4cIbAJp https://amzn.to/3LohhAb
Weewooday Cube 15-20-30-60 Flip Timer
A fun variation on the kitchen timer, this flip cube gives you four minute options. Just flip it to the time you want, and off it goes. Great for “Can I have 15 more minutes, Mom?” as well as “I need to leave in 30 minutes.” Comes in several colors, I just like the pink 🙂 https://amzn.to/4f5Tker
Kick Bands
These bands are awesome for kids – and adults – who are more focused when they are performing some type of movement (studies have shown this to be an effective strategy for ADHDers). Simply place the band around the legs of any chair, and you’ve created a spot for quiet, unobtrusive foot bouncing. These have been used in classrooms for ages. Is it time to get some for homework time? Or meal times? https://amzn.to/3xPYb2O
Blue Ginkgo Multipurpose Caddy Organizer
While it’s helpful for your child to have a specific area in which to do homework (or for you to have a home office that you can use consistently), there are times when a refresh can be helpful (she says as she types this in her husband’s office). Having the basic supplies in a caddy that can be carried easily makes that transition from the bedroom to the kitchen table quick and painless…with less time to get distracted. https://amzn.to/4d3lyVn
Paperage Lined Journal Notebook
Last but not least, a reasonably priced lined notebook. This can be used for…anything, really. A bullet journal, to do list, doodling space, gratitude journal, meeting notes. I have one that I use as a gratitude journal, and one that I use as my brain dump, a parking lot for everything in my head until I move it to my more actionable task app. Comes in tons of colors, the paper is smooth, and at this price, no guilt if you change up your task management plan. https://amzn.to/3xZg8f9What items do you find are indispensable? I’d love to hear from you!
Disclosure: I am an Amazon Associate, and have an affiliate relationship with Amazon.
- The Case For Letting Kids Be Kids This Summer
It’s summer. Either your kids’ school has put a “See you in September” sign on the front lawn, or they’re about to.
And there is nothing, nothing at all, like that last day of school feeling! A lot of us have forgotten how it feels to be completely, deliciously free. When I was a teacher, I was able to have that experience again, and it is truly unmatched.
But wait….here comes Mom with a Math workbook. Or Dad with a schedule for summer Phonics tutoring. And that glorious feeling just leaks away, leaving disappointment and sadness in its place.
ADHD kids often live through this scenario, summer after summer. If they struggled during the school year, due to challenges with focus, or executive function woes, they may be behind. And their well meaning parents want them to get caught up, before the new year brings new challenges.
As a retired teacher, and ADHD coach, and as a parent, I’m going to say something that some may consider revolutionary-even crazy.
Let your kids have time to just be kids this summer.
Now that doesn’t mean that they shouldn’t do some activities related to academics. But maybe we can rethink how we go about it. Sort like sneaking kale into a mango smoothie.
For example-Math workbooks? Ugh, deadly. How about reviewing those multiplication facts during a catch outside? Fractions with cooking? Subtraction with how many more miles do we need to travel? Division with which is the better deal at the grocery store?
For more complex topics, check out the teachers’ savior site, teacherspayteacher.com. You can input your child’s grade level and topic, and there will be games, projects, mazes-lots more fun than a workbook, I promise.
Similarly, we can change our mindset about summer reading. Saying to our kiddos “You need to do your summer reading! Get started right now!” is not exactly the way to instill a love of reading in our children. But maybe offering to read the same book as they do, and having a book club with them will be more enticing. Or taking notes on what they read with pictures. Or a promise to watch the movie that is based on the book. All ways to sweeten the summer reading pot.
Watching “Hamilton” for American History. Trying foods of different cultures, with each family member picking a country and telling the rest of the gang about it. Looking at leaves under a microscope. You get the idea.
There are many ways to jazz up learning, with tons of ideas on the internet. That leaves one more point though.
Kids also need time to not be working on their school subjects, or organizational skills, or even camp or sports (and yes, I know that kids do love camp and sports).
Kids need time to just BE.
They need time to choose their activities (even if it’s video games), to wear their pj’s late into the morning, maybe even all day. To dig in the sand even if they are “too old” for that, to go lie under a tree and watch the ants carry pieces of rock many times their weight. To have sleepovers with friends or siblings or cousins, staying up all night giggling, without worrying about needing to get up early to do five worksheets on exponents.
Unlimited time? No. But some time? Most definitely. Depending on their schedule, and yours.
Those kid brains have earned a break. And our creative ADHD children need time to just think their own thoughts.
Let’s let our kiddos have that amazing last day of school feeling, for just a little longer. They need it – and they deserve it.
- Quit “Shoulding” On Yourself!
How often do you think that you should be able to accomplish a particular task? Or that you should do….insert activity that might be good for you but that you don’t currently do?
Here are some examples:
I should be able to figure out my monthly expenses, what is wrong with me?
I should go to the gym more, what is wrong with me?
Everyone else remembered to call Sue on her birthday, I should be able to remember something that simple, what is wrong with me?
My mentor coach would call this “shoulding on yourself.”
The word should, per the Oxford English Dictionary, is “used to indicate obligation, duty, or correctness, typically when criticizing someone’s actions.” In other words, should is a judgment word. To “indicate…correctness” implies that if you don’t do what you should, you are incorrect. In the wrong. Even the definition tells us it’s used typically to criticize.
And for ADHDers, there can be lots of shoulds. And lots of self criticism.
But wait a minute, you say. Aren’t there things we really should do?
Of course there are. We should drive sober. We should pay our taxes. We should call our mothers on Mother’s Day, and dads on Father’s Day.
So when SHOULD we use should? And when is should akin to a four letter word?
The way I look at it is this: I feel that should can be reserved for absolutes. For rules, laws, socially acceptable customs – in other words, situations where there is no judgment involved, because it’s pretty black and white.
But when it’s not a rule, using should kind of makes it a rule. And then if we don’t do something, we’ve broken that rule-and we go down the rabbit hole of shame.
How about, when it’s not a rule, we use “want?” Let’s try it.
I want to be able to figure out my monthly expenses, but I’m not sure how. Maybe I’ll ask someone for help.
I want to go to the gym more, what can I do to get there consistently?
Everyone else remembered to call Sue on her birthday, I want to be able to remember something that simple. What can I do to make this happen?
“Should” makes it a rule, and invites embarrassment and shame. “Want” makes it a desire, and invites action.
So here’s a little assignment: try to notice when you say you should do something. And if you do catch yourself, replace should with “want to,” and see how different that vibe is.
It will probably make you want to stop shoulding all over yourself!
