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Tag: ADHD

Why It’s Okay To Say “Hey, Siri?”

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I was chatting with a client the other day, discussing a strategy we had designed together to help keep her on track with keeping her house more organized and clean. When I asked her the question, “How will you remember to do this?” her response was “Well, I can set a reminder, but I really should be able to remember without it.”

She SHOULD remember without a reminder? What does that even mean??

The word “should” implies a rule or requirement, like you should eat vegetables, or you should drive under the speed limit. But as far as I know, there is no rule in this world that requires people to remember tasks, birthdays, and anything else, without any sort of support.

And yet, this is a common ADHD lament…I SHOULD be able to do this without using any of the many things that would make it easier/shorter/more likely to happen.

Interestingly enough, neurotypicals don’t feel this way. In fact, they embrace any and every thing that will help to make life easier. Apple watches, Alexa, air fryers, dashboard reminders for oil changes-these are all ways that technology helps to make things smoother. And it is not just ADHDers who are calling out, “Hey Siri?”

So that got me thinking about why neurotypical folks embrace futuristic enablers, and ADHDers feel guilty about using them.

I realized that, because ADHDers often feel like they are AT FAULT, they are incapable, they are lazy-possibly because they’ve been told that by teachers, family, and others-they want to show that dammit, they don’t need help! They can do it! I’m not going to need no stinkin’ Alexa!

This is quite the conundrum. Because ADHDers are NOT at fault, they ARE capable. They are NOT lazy-and there is nothing wrong with using supports that are available, just like neurotypicals do. In fact, it can be a real game changer for ADHDers.

Look, I sew things. Now I certainly know how to thread a needle, and sew by hand. But, when given the choice, I will always use my sewing machine. And that’s not because I’m lazy, or incapable. It’s because it makes it much more likely that I will complete the project I’ve started-and I’ll enjoy it more, because the time and drudgery of hand sewing is eliminated.

So, my ADHD friends, please do NOT eschew technology, or planners, or any of the things that can make it more likely that you will succeed. Be the intelligent, creative person you are, and utilize anything you can to improve your life.

I’m not going to say you SHOULD embrace supports. Maybe…just strongly consider it.

And the rose goes to….

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So, I’m going to admit to something a little embarrassing – I watch “The Bachelor.” It started off as a family thing, where we’d all watch and text each other to make fun of it, but now I just watch it regardless. It’s ridiculous, and at times offensive, but it’s sort of like having junk food-not great for you, but soothing in its own way.

So I was watching the latest season of “The Bachelor” (the most dramatic season ever!), and suddenly, I heard a contestant, Elizabeth, tell another woman, Shanae, that she has ADHD. In fact, Elizabeth uses this as a defense when she is accused by Shanae of being “two faced” and “not paying attention to her,” claiming that she has difficulty focusing on more than one person at a time.

And Shanae, who has already been established as a villain, says (I’m paraphrasing here), “Oh sure. Don’t only kids have ADHD? Yeah, you have ADHD, I have ADHD, everyone has it.” She then tells all of the other women in the house that Elizabeth has ADHD, and everyone is appalled that Shenae told them about Elizabeth’s “mental health challenges.”

The next day, several people came to Elizabeth’s side in the press, including a former Bachelorette, saying that they too have ADHD, have experienced what Elizabeth is discussing, and that Shanae is just a real jerk.

Now, I suppose people discussing ADHD openly is a good thing-so much better than when kids were told “Don’t tell anyone about your ADHD! It’s not their business!” (and yes, that did happen, quite a bit, about 15 or 20 years ago and beyond). As well as celebrities jumping up to say that they have ADHD too.

So why does the whole thing make me feel so icky?

If you’ve watched any of the seasons of “The Bachelor” franchise, you can’t miss the fact that every episode is heavily edited, to depict intrigue and drama among the contestants. So ADHD has become part of the plot, along with group dates and rose ceremonies.

Would the same have happened if a contestant said she had Crohn’s disease, and had a stomach ache? Or diabetes, and was concerned about her sugar? Would ABC have kept footage of a contestant saying, in response, “Diabetes? Yeah I don’t do well with sugar either. Everyone has trouble with sugar, we all have diabetes.” 

Unlikely.

While shining a light on ADHD is always welcome, treating it as something that is just a plot point is unfair, and irresponsible. The desired end, in this case filmed acrimony between two contestants, isn’t always justified by the means.

Maybe ABC should get back into the Afterschool Special business. And do one on ADHD.