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Tag: adhd support

How To Stop Sending Hidden Negative Messages To Your Kid

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Let’s start with the basic premise that you love your kid. Let’s also recognize that if you are raising a kid (or kids!) with ADHD and other challenges, parenting is hard. The frustrations and worries one has as a parent of a neurotypical kid is multiplied by 1000.

As loving parents, we try our best. We not only make sure that our kids have what they physically need, but we also work hard to nourish their self esteem. We praise them. We spend time with them. Some of us even volunteer on teams and in classes, to show them how much we care.

But…somehow, our kiddo still thinks they stink. And still has a completely messy room, and flips out when we ask them to start their homework, or get ready for hockey practice.

Why?? Why are they not getting the message that we are sending, that they are just the greatest?

I am going to quote one of my mentors, and the founder of the Chaos Free Family program (for which I am an affiliate), Mary Smith, and talk about “leaking negativity.” 

When we think about negative reinforcement, we tend to go to punishment, yelling, or even physical consequences. And so if we aren’t employing those tactics, we think we are not engaging in negative reinforcement, right?

Guess again.

There are other more subtle disciplinary tactics many parents employ that are pounding our kids with negative messages that impact your child’s self esteem, and, as you’ve probably seen, aren’t effective in changing your child’s behavior.

Here’s an example of “leaking negativity.” Your child played in their softball game. They had a decent game, although if they had practiced their skills with you between games, as you’d suggested, they might not have missed that ground ball in the second inning. So you tell them how great they played, praise them about all of their highlights-and then, in an effort to help them improve their level of play, you mention that if they’d only practiced more, they could’ve played even better.

“What’s wrong with that?” you say. “I just want to help my kiddo be the best they can be!”

Here’s the issue. Your positive message is followed by “this is what you did wrong.” Your child will come to expect that, so that the impact of the positive message is completely wiped out; in fact, when they hear praise, they are just waiting for the other shoe to drop. No matter how well you tell them that they performed, they will only hear what they did wrong, from you-not their coach, but the person who is supposed to be their biggest supporter.

It’s no wonder they dawdle when it’s time to get ready to go to the ballpark.

It’s important to recognize that many of the ways in which we discipline our kids are negative reinforcers. And that emphasis on negativity can snuff out the ability of the brain to recognize positive reinforcement, causing the reward circuit to weaken, and motivation to decrease.

And your kid’s self esteem to plummet.

So let’s watch out for “leaking negativity.” It’s a sneaky little devil-and our kids deserve to have it removed from their lives.


For more information on leaking negativity, positive reinforcement, and ways to help you have a Chaos Free Family, reach out to me here for a Discovery Call:  https://calendly.com/constellationadhdcoach/30min

ADHD Books That I Love!

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As promised, here is a list of some of my favorite ADHD books, just in time for Prime Days on July 11 and 12. Here we go!

Your Brain’s Not Broken – Tamara Rosier

If you are only going to buy one book from my recommendations, this would be the one I would say is a must. I have been fortunate enough to attend a few webinars held by Tamara Rosier, so I was excited to read her book-and it did not disappoint! Your Brain’s Not Broken has user-friendly explanations of ADHD brain differences, including examples. Additionally, the strategies presented, which take the emotional dysregulation ADHDers can experience fully into account, are explained so well that they can be put into action quickly and easily.

What I love about this book: I love everything about Your Brain’s Not Broken! First of all, the notion of motivation being determined by emotions is so thought provoking; it makes so much sense, but this is the first time I’m seeing it spelled out so clearly. Also, Rosier’s presentation of different clients, and her own ADHD, makes this book so relatable. I couldn’t put it down! https://amzn.to/3NF0YzH

ADHD 2.0 – Edward M. Hallowell and John J. Ratey

Dr. Hallowell could be called one of the Grand Poobahs of ADHD research, treatment, and writing. ADHD 2.0 is an update to Hallowell’s original book, Driven to Distraction, which was (and still is) the ADHD bible. ADHD 2.0, in addition to explaining the brain science behind ADHD, also discusses different ways to enable ADHDers to thrive (such as exercise and connecting with others).

What I love about this book:  Dr. Hallowell’s approach is strengths based, meaning that rather than focus on what one has difficulty with, ADHDers are encouraged to lean on what they are great at. Dr. Hallowell is such a positive force in ADHD treatment, and that shines through in ADHD 2.0. https://amzn.to/44EculN

how to keep house while drowning – KC Davis

This book, and the YouTube and TikTok videos that KC Davis has created, are legendary among ADHDers. Ms. Davis has developed Struggle Care, a very basic plan for keeping your house in some form of order, based on the (very true) concept that having a messy house is not a moral failure, it is simply a functional challenge. how to keep house while drowning has suggestions for housekeeping that take into account ADHD, depression, anxiety, postpartum…basically, life. You can use the 31 day plan that is presented, or just read through and choose what you’d like to work on.

What I love about this book:  Throughout how to keep house while drowning, one feels like you are sitting and schmoozing with a friend who is telling you that it’s all going to be okay, and that you’re being too hard on yourself. It’s a comforting little booklet. https://amzn.to/46EJfAY

Smart But Scattered – Peg Dawson and Richard Guare

Smart But Scattered is a great book for parents who are looking for practical advice on how to help their ADHD child work with their challenged executive functions. There is a terrific explanation of what the executive functions are, with examples. A section on general strategies to employ when dealing with your child follows. Finally, there are suggestions (with implementation plans) and examples relating to a variety of issues that any ADHD parent will recognize.

What I love about this book: The approach that is presented in Smart But Scattered towards working with your ADHD child is on point. Dawson and Guare tell parents to “modify tasks to match your child’s capacity to exert effort,” and “begin by changing things outside the child before…strategies that require the child to change.” In other words, work with your child, not against them. Doesn’t sound terribly profound…but it is. https://amzn.to/3O4zUuR

All Dogs Have ADHD – Kathy Hoopmann

All Dogs Have ADHD is a picture book full of dogs doing, well, dog things. But what makes this book special is that the pictures tell the story of ADHD. So, a dog jumping into a lake is “diving straight into a situation without thinking about the consequences.” You get the idea. This book is great for kids who have ADHD, and also those who don’t, but spend time around ADHDers. The photographs are beautiful, and the pups are adorable.

What I love about this book: Parents often want to sugarcoat for their kids. All Dogs Have ADHD doesn’t do that-while the book does end on a very positive note, the positives and negatives are given equal time. Also…dogs. Need I say more?? (PS-there is a companion book, All Cats Are On The Autism Spectrum) https://amzn.to/46RhntE

I could go on and on..but I’ll save some of my faves for another post down the road. Happy Reading!!

Disclosure: I am an Amazon associate, and have an affiliate relationship with Amazon.

Must Have Products for ADHDers!

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With Prime Day just around the corner (July 11 and 12), I thought I’d share my favorite products and books for ADHDers! This week – all the things.

Mr. Pen Highlighters

Why highlighters for ADHDers? Several reasons. First, it might be a way to fidget/let out energy. Second, color makes everything more fun, which in turn can give us that dopamine boost we crave. Using highlighters as a study tool to sort text, or when going through your to-do list and calendar, can help to keep you focused. https://amzn.to/435x2m2

Textured Tactile Adhesive Sensory Strips

These strips are about the size of a band-aid, and can stick to the underside of a desk, a phone case-wherever you want. They are very soothing to rub, and can satisfy that fidget urge when you are stuck on a Zoom call and you can’t get up and pace around. https://amzn.to/3r8JGDm

The Time Timer

ADHDers struggle with “time blindness,” which means that telling your child “be ready in 15 minutes” is bound to end in frustration for both of you. Enter the Time Timer, which shows time passing-the smaller the red slice, the less time is left. Get the 60 minute version, to have more flexibility. The Time Timer comes in many different colors-I just happen to like this tie dye model.  https://amzn.to/3XuD12x

Mr. Pen Dry Erase Pocket Sleeves

I learned about these when I was teaching. These pocket sleeves are great for morning/evening routines, checklists, chore lists – anything that requires the same steps each time. Make the list, pop it into the pocket, and use a dry erase marker to check off items. No need to rewrite the list!  https://amzn.to/3CStJng

Post-it Notes!

I use Post-It notes for so many things. One use that I have found to be super helpful is to jot down anything that pops into my head, and stick it to the counter, desk, sink…wherever I am. I can add it to my calendar or Todoist app later on, but using Post-Its for those sneaky little things that you remember in the middle of the action keeps you from then forgetting they exist. Perfect for the ADHD working memory challenge!  https://amzn.to/3pt7f9p

hOmelabs Sunrise Clock

Getting your ADHD kiddo out of bed in the morning can be a real challenge. Research has shown that the use of sunrise alarm clocks, also known as dawn simulation clocks, can improve sleep quality, as well as make waking up a more natural process. This particular clock also has the ability to have nature sounds play during the “sunrise,” and has a simulated sunset as well. The colored lights are always fun for the kiddos!  https://amzn.to/3rbmGUp

Uppower Essential Oil Diffuser

Radha Lavender Essential Oil

Speaking of sleeping, I swear by this diffuser and lavender essential oil. All it takes is one deep inhale and I am halfway to Slumber Town. Lavender is known to be calming, so breathing it in during the night keeps me soothed, and asleep. The diffuser has different color settings, so it can double as a night light; it also can be set on intermittent or full blast.  https://amzn.to/3pw5wQO  https://amzn.to/435x2m2

Next week…the best of ADHD books and movies. Happy Shopping!

Disclosure: I am an Amazon associate, and have an affiliate relationship with Amazon.

Try These Ideas To Work On Your Child’s Executive Functions This Summer!

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Over the last few weeks, I’ve heard from lots of parents who, upon reaching the end of the school year, want to see a different experience for their child-and for themselves-next year.

And chances are, they would like to see their child improve their executive functions.

The executive functions-there are several, although different researchers have different ideas on how many-are the parts of the brain that allow intentions to turn into actions. They can be divided into the “thinking functions,” such as time management and organization, and the “doing functions,” including task initiation and emotional control.

In ADHDers, the executive functions are impaired (although not necessarily all of them, or to the same degree). Additionally, research has shown that ADHD kiddos can be 2-3 years behind their neurotypical peers developmentally, which translates into a lag in the development of the executive functions.

Simply put, when it comes to the executive functions, your ADHD child struggles.

And not only does your kid feel that they are behind, or panic not knowing where or how to start their assignment, they also have to deal with the many-and I mean many-negative messages they get from teachers, coaches, other kids, siblings, and relatives, about their inability to just DO THE THING.

As a parent, I’ll raise my hand here, and say that I, too, said things like “You’re so much smarter than this,” or “Why do I have to tell you a million times??”

It can be downright upsetting.

But, there are ways to both help strengthen those pesky executive functions, and/or to accustom your child to various strategies that can support his weaker skills. And you don’t have to wait for homework or book reports! Here are a few:

1 – Assign chores.  Being given household jobs is a great way for your child  to feel that you trust them to be responsible, and that they are contributing to the upkeep of your home. However, for our ADHD friends, chores should be structured in a particular way. 

  • Saying “clean your room” really isn’t specific enough. Break the chore down to smaller tasks, and depending on your child’s age, consider giving them responsibility for some of the subtasks first, rather than the whole thing. 
  • Also, how often do you think this should take place? It is better to have small daily tasks than one large weekly job.
  • Set a time of day to accomplish these tasks, with an alarm (not you) announcing the time. This should take place BEFORE fun activities that are tough to pull away from.
  • Use this time to do a chore or two yourself. This is called “body doubling,” and seeing you also working can keep your child on track. 
  • Finally, profusely thank your child for helping with the household responsibilities. Consider rewards (small things, like a trip to the ice cream parlor, or a slurpee)-we all get paid for our jobs, why shouldn’t your child??

2 – Work together to plan a trip or outing. Deciding on a place to go, and then working together to identify, prioritize, and execute different tasks is a great way to not only practice using executive function skills, but to enable you and your child to see where the gaps are, and what kind of support might be helpful. For example, if one of the tasks is to map out the trip on Google Maps, and your child has forgotten to do it, setting a reminder might help-and might stick in your child’s brain as a way to remember tasks.

3 – Keep a family calendar. Time blindness is very common for ADHDers (kids and adults). Putting events and responsibilities on a calendar makes it easier for your ADHD kiddo to see time. It will also help with transitions, as the events of the day are readily available.

4 – Allow for unstructured time – WITHOUT electronics. When your child has free time to play ball, read, draw, run around the woods-whatever they like to do-they are flexing their executive function muscles. Putting together Legos takes attention, organization, working memory, and emotional control. Pretending requires flexibility, attention, and non-verbal working memory. And the best thing about play is that, for the most part, you are not involved. They are strengthening their EF skills, and having fun, all on their own.

5 – Play board games. Family board game nights are so much fun! And without even realizing it, your child will be getting executive function training. Following directions, waiting their turn, developing a game plan-all of these involve the executive functions. And it’s such a wonderful way to spend time together.

This is just a sampling of activities that will help your child to put their executive functions to work, and learn what kind of support is helpful, all at a low pressure time of year. Give one or two a try!

This Can Help You Win The Fight Against Procrastination!

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Procrastinating. We all do it – it’s not just a neurodiverse activity. It’s just that ADHDers seem to do it more often.

Choosing to delay action, even though this delay will have negative consequences, is the working definition of procrastination. So, for example, putting off paying my bills is a form of procrastination, because I know that if I pay late, I will have to pay interest, and late fees. Yet I still choose to put it off, because ugh, bills.

There are many reasons we procrastinate – fear of doing the task incorrectly, lack of interest (and therefore no dopamine hit), needing “just right” circumstances, disorganization, feeling overwhelmed…the list goes on.

Is there anything can we do to successfully battle procrastination??

Enter Piers Steel, and the Procrastination Equation. Steel developed this equation to explain the components of motivation:

Motivation = Expectancy X Value/Impulsiveness X Delay

So, being a former Math teacher, I’m kind of partial to equations…but that’s me.  Before you shriek “I hate Math!” and run away, let me try to translate this. What Steel is saying is how motivated you are depends on four components: expectancy, or how confident you are that you can complete the task; value, or how important completing the task is to you; impulsiveness, or how easily you can be distracted from the task; and delay, or how short or long the timeline is.

So, in order to increase motivation, per Steel’s equation, you need to increase confidence or importance, or decrease distraction or the timeline, in order to increase motivation.

Here is an example to make this even clearer.

Let’s go back to my procrastination relating to paying my bills. If I can increase my confidence that I can pay my bills correctly, and/or feel the value to me of paying them, I will be more motivated. So, using autopay can help me to feel confident, and recognizing how good it feels to have it done raises the value of doing the task.

Decreasing distractions, and shortening the timeline can also help curb procrastination. So I can pay my bills with my phone in Focus mode, and can break the task into smaller parts so that I have a “completion” more often.

What I love about this is that it’s ACTIONABLE. There are four different areas where you can make changes, and motivation will increase. This equation gives you a starting point.

Think about something that you have procrastinated on in the past, or are even avoiding right now. Can you make a change to one of the four components in Steel’s equation that will help lessen your desire to put something off? Even just tweaking one component-promising yourself a treat if you start the task will add some value, right-can make a difference.

I’m off to pay my bills. I’ll let you know how I do.

Why You Need Boundaries, And How To Keep Them 

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Everyone has been there…your best friend/sister/uncle needs a ride to the airport, which is about 1 hour away. They need said ride on a Thursday afternoon, somewhere in the rush hour zone, during the time of day that you might have to cart a kid to soccer, or attend a business meeting. Or, heaven forbid, have a few minutes to yourself.

Yet, although this scenario screams “SAY NO!!” we don’t. We suck it up, we move our meeting, and polish our halos with the fabric of our resentment. We have no one to blame but ourselves, however; we are the ones who forgot to have boundaries.

There are those that equate boundaries with selfishness. This, however, is incorrect. In geography, a boundary is something that separates one place from another. Many people mark these boundaries with shrubs, or a fence. And no one says “ooh look they’re so selfish to put a fence around their property.” It’s their house/land/kingdom, and what anyone else thinks is simply not important.

Having boundaries simply means that we consider ourselves and our needs important, and that we honor this when deciding how to spend our time and energy.

For ADHDers, boundaries can be even more crucial than for NT folks.But they also can be harder to keep intact.

Because ADHDers can have difficulties with time management and organization, if we don’t have strong boundaries, we will often commit to things that we just can’t get to-and might not even realize that until it’s too late. However, it can be more difficult for ADHDers to uphold boundaries because many ADHDers are people pleasers, due to hearing negativity day after day after day. So those boundaries can often be ignored, in the pursuit of feeling valued by others.

So, what is an ADHDer to do? Start by building a metaphorical fence. Or a moat, if you’re into that royalty thing.

First determine what you would like your boundaries to be. Do you want to have weekends free from work obligations? Is having dinner as a family a priority for you? What activities are important to you, professionally or personally? No boundary is silly, or selfish. 

Once you’ve decided where you’d like your boundaries to be, that is where you put down your imaginary stakes. On one side is you and how you’d like your life to look. On the other-everyone and everything that is vying for your time and attention. 

This is where it gets tricky-where buttressing the fence with the concept of valuing yourself and your needs comes in. Not a strong suit for people pleasers.

It’s so easy to say “oh, I can skip the gym this once” or “it’s okay if I work an occasional Saturday.” And there will be times that warrant bending the rules a bit-an emergency, a situation that really speaks to you. But if that’s not the case, you need to remember this one thing:

I PUT A FENCE HERE FOR A REASON THAT MATTERS TO ME, AND I’M NOT TAKING IT DOWN.

What can help you remember this? Visual aids?A large picture of a white picket fence above your desk? A quote on your phone’s wallpaper? A coach or friend/family member reminding you? Leaning on a strategy here is a great idea!

Another area that bears discussion relates to HOW we speak of our boundaries.  We all like to make others happy; no way do we want to make anyone angry. Telling people “No thanks, I’d rather stay home tonight with my cat than go out with you,” or “I was away for the weekend, so I didn’t check my email,” can cause at least a mild amount of hysteria. Sometimes more than a mild amount.

So practicing phrases like “I wish I could, but I’m busy,” or “I’ve got a lot going on right now,” or even “I’m just overwhelmed already, I can’t add another thing to my plate,” can help to keep the fence in place and steady, without anyone getting all worked up about it. And without you having to defend your choices, which is also a slippery slope for those of us who can feel that we don’t deserve to make choices.

You may feel like these sentences are lies, that you are being disingenuous by saying them. In fact, they are the truth. Because being busy or having a lot going on does not mean “except for things I want to do.” Those activities are just as important as tasks imposed upon you at work, or by family.

So build that fence. And start using it. It gets easier with time, and practice.

Chaos Free Family ADHD Coaching Program Now Available!

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It can be so heartbreaking to watch your child struggle with their ADHD. ADHD challenges can translate into difficulties with schoolwork, homework, and sports teams. And there is nothing worse than finding out your child is the one who doesn’t get invited to parties, or to playdates-because they are THAT kid.

I raised a child with ADHD. And looking back, there were so many things I wish I’d known. I wish I’d known more about ADHD, about what makes my kid tick. And about how to talk to him, how to help him to deal with the challenges he faced-and how to be sure that he always, always knew that I loved him, even when I was irritated or frustrated.

Things have changed in the 25 years since my son was diagnosed with ADHD. There is more awareness, more resources, and hopefully, less stigma. And as a coach, one of my goals, whether working with adults, teens, or young kids, is for my clients to have all of the information and guidance they need to live a rewarding, successful life. 

And now…I’m able to offer families just that. A fabulous resource that will enable you to have peace at home, and for your child to grow and thrive, WITH their ADHD.

I am THRILLED to announce that I have become an affiliate of the Chaos Free Family ADHD Coaching Program! This program takes a two pronged approach to coaching ADHD families. Prong #1 is education-an eight week class via concise, easy to follow videos that you can watch on YOUR schedule! This class is exactly what the doctor ordered-yup, parent education is part of the treatment of ADHD in children, per the American Academy of Pediatrics.

Prong #2 is coaching, with several different options, from group coaching to private sessions. Whatever works for you! During your coaching sessions with me, I will be able to answer questions that you have about the videos, your child, and the different strategies that you will be learning.

After completing this class, you will be well on your way to approaching issues with a parent coaching mindset-and you will feel like you can finally exhale!

I have to say-I wish this program had been around when my son was diagnosed. Let’s get together and chat about how much more peaceful your family life can be-and how happy your child can be. 

Chaos Free Family is a product of Chaos Free ADHD

Structures That Work For YOU To Get Things Done

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I spend a lot of time trying out different task management systems. You name it, it’s lived for a time on my phone. I think a lot of us do this, hoping that THIS will be THE ONE that solves the problem, and ensures that this time you will get your oil changed on time (oh crap! I’d better look into that!).

I’ve learned, though, that in order to find apps or journals that will help-and they really can-you need to first understand just where you need support in the task completion process. 

Completing a task that you are not working on immediately has three parts. First, is knowing that there is a task, and understanding what completing that task involves. Second, is remembering that you need to do this task, when it is due, and where it stands in terms of prioritization. Third is actually working on the task, whether it is doing the entire thing at one time, or doing it in parts (in which case you need to understand what parts must be done first).

To find the Holy Grail of organizational systems-or just something that works, most of the time-it is important to know where in the task completion process you find yourself flailing about.

For example, I am fine with knowing that there is a task, and understanding what I need to do. I am also fairly diligent about working on the task. But that can only happen if I actually remember that I need to do something. And that is where it all falls apart, for me.

The area in which I need support is remembering that there IS a task, and paying attention to where it exists on the food chain of my life. Which means that a to-do list, organized according to urgency and importance, can bridge the gap for me. 

If task initiation is a challenge, reminders and alarms may be your best friend. And time blocking-putting the task into your calendar as an event-can help you to actually “see” the time to start.

You may be on top of remembering, and getting down to business. But you may have difficulty with knowing how long certain jobs will take, and scheduling too much in one day. Apps that have you plan out each day, and actually warn you when you are doing the Future Overwhelm Dance, might be right for you.

Some people do better with writing it all down, in journals, on whiteboards, with index cards. Others leave their journals everywhere except where they need them, but having access to a digitally based system makes it as simple as picking up their smartphone to see what’s on their plate. And there are those who use a combination of analog and digital.

And some people have an accountability buddy who texts reminders.

There are many different ways one can struggle with the task of doing tasks-and just as many ways to deal with that chink in the armor. Knowing where YOU struggle can help you to find the right structural support. It can also help you to avoid trying app after app after journal after list. 

Now let me check on that oil change….

Strategies To Lean On During The Stimulant Shortage

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If you have not been hit by the shortages of stimulant medication, consider yourself lucky. Maybe even blessed.

On various forums and FB groups, I’m seeing posts from people who haven’t had their medication in weeks, or months. People calling around to different pharmacies, and in doing so, feeling like (and sometimes being treated like) a drug seeker. 

And no one knows when this will end.

While some ADHDers have switched medications to one that is, at least currently, not in short supply, that doesn’t work for everyone. Some medications just aren’t the right medication for everyone; add to that the insurance barrier, and you have people who are truly not living their best lives right now-and even worse than that.

Here are some strategies that, while totally not replacing your medication, can mitigate some of the loss in focus, regulation, and organization that you might be feeling.

1 – Recognize that your life is being impacted. Because of society’s often dismissive attitude towards ADHD, it’s easy to fall into the “I shouldn’t need this medication to function anyway.” ADHD is a result of neurological and brain chemistry differences that cause issues with task management, time management, attention, and emotional regulation. It is not a choice. These challenges are mitigated by medication, just like vision issues are mitigated by glasses.

2 – Lean hard on lists, calendars, Post It notes, reminders. Even if these have not worked in the past, at this point they are what you have. If you need to write a giant list of your morning routine to post on your bathroom mirror, do it. If you need Alexa to ping you every 10 minutes to make sure you’re on task, do it. Using a calendar, task management system, and bullet journal? That’s fine. What might seem like overkill when you’re medicated is actually a failsafe system during this emergency.

3 – Automate as much as you can. This is actually a great strategy even when you can get your medication. Auto refill on meds (yours, family, pets), auto pay on bills, anything that can become something that you don’t have to remember is a good thing.

4 – Make sure you are getting the right food and sleep. Having protein at breakfast is crucial! It’s brain food! Your ADHD brain might crave sugar, but that will cause a crash that you will have a hard time bouncing back from without your meds. Also, getting the right amount of sleep for you is super important. You might have a difficult time falling asleep; think about what might help you to have more success (sleep routine, putting screens away earlier, reading before bed…just a few suggestions!)

5 – Exercise! Studies have shown that exercise is an important part of an ADHD treatment plan, whether medication is involved or not. Going for a walk, jumping jacks, yoga, a YouTube exercise video, dancing to music in your kitchen-anything that gets you moving is going to provide dopamine to your system. I cannot stress enough how important this is.

6 – Try body doubling. Body doubling is working on something while someone else is also working. You do not need to interact, or be working on the same project or assignment. For example, I can be paying my bills, while you fold the laundry. This strategy is very effective in eliminating procrastination and increasing on-task behavior. If you don’t have someone you can body double with, you can use a body doubling website (Focusmate.com is a good one), and be set up with someone with whom to work in tandem.

7 – Lean on your support system shamelessly. If you have an understanding spouse, parent, friend, ask them if they can help you out during this crisis. They might be able to insert some accountability into your task plan (a text asking if you’ve done something), to help keep you on track (and If you don’t have an understanding person in your life, well, that’s a topic for another blog post).

8 – Realize that you will not be able to attend to everything at the same level as you did while you were medicated. Decide where your focus should be. If it’s work, then let the housecleaning slide. If it’s taking care of your kids, then maybe order in for a while instead of meal prepping. In other words, expend your energy wisely.

9 – Be extra cautious while driving. Research shows that adults with ADHD are more likely to have car accidents than adults without ADHD. While stimulant medication can mitigate some of the danger, when you can’t get your meds, you are at risk. Take a breath before you start the car to get centered. Put your phone in the trunk. Shut off the radio. If you have a passenger and their conversation is distracting you, ask them to stop talking-I think they’ll be less offended if you tell them it could save their lives.

10 – Keep up with your appointments with mental health professionals, and let them know if you are struggling. You might be able to try a different medication. Your therapist might be able to give you some ideas for dealing with the anxiety that this can cause. 

It can be very discouraging and frustrating to be unable to get your medication, something that enables you to live your best life. You might feel sad, angry, scared-these are all valid feelings when you don’t feel like you are in control. Don’t let anyone tell you that “it’s no big deal.” It IS a big deal-but by adopting some of the strategies above, you may be able to move through this crisis with a little more ease.

Routine vs. Ritual, and Which One Helps You Get Things Done

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When one looks up the definitions of the words “routine” and “ritual,” at first it looks like they are pretty much the same thing-a “series of actions performed in a prescribed order.”

But when I delved a bit further, I did find one significant difference that can be a real game changer when it comes to getting things done.

Rituals are considered ceremonial. 

We often equate rituals with religion, because there are many rituals that take place during worship, in every religion. But ceremony doesn’t have to just be about prayer or attending services weekly. 

We can add elements of rituals to our routines…and that can give us the shot of dopamine to get the job done.

For example, I have a routine for paying my bills. I do it on the 15th of every month, regardless of the day of the week. I write certain expenses out; others I enter on a spreadsheet. At the end of this routine the bills are ready to be auto-paid by my bank.

However, I also have included ritual in this process. I never sit at my desk to do this-I always sit on the bed, where I am comfortable, and can spread out my papers. I always have a large cup of coffee or tea beside me. And generally, “Law and Order SVU” is on in the background.

Now, these components are not really part of the routine for paying bills. But they are part of the ritual. I could pay the bills without them, but it wouldn’t be the same. And while I won’t go so far as to say I look forward to bill paying, the ritual elements do make it far more pleasant, and satisfying.

How can you add ritual elements to your routines? Is it a particular playlist? A special snack? An apron that belonged to your grandmother?

Ritual elements can make routines, well, less routine. And that can help us to keep doing them.

Give it a try!