ADHD and money management Archives - Constellation ADHD Coaching

In my last blog post, I talked about doing some detective work to find your particular spending patterns. This would help you to develop spending control strategies that match up.

But, what if, despite your best efforts, you find it almost painful to give up the dopamine charge one gets from shopping? Suppose you are having a really hard time controlling your spending?

First, and probably most important – self compassion. No shame, no guilt! You are not bad, or selfish, or irresponsible. You are, in fact, dealing with a neurological difference that causes you to be motivated by what interests you (yup, that’s ADHD). Giving up that immediate dopamine hit is HARD! So give yourself kudos for trying, not thumbs downs for failing.

Plus evidence shows us that exercising self compassion actually helps us to accomplish our goals faster than being negative towards ourselves. Makes sense, when you think about it – who would want to pursue a goal that results in feeling badly about ourselves?

Second, it can be helpful to put some small, one size fits all strategies in place to get things moving. Here are some tiny tweaks you can make to get the spending control ball rolling in an ADHD compassionate way:

Make a list of small things to buy that can make you happy – Can buying a new nail polish color scratch the itch of wanting to shop? I know I can go to any Staples and feel joy by purchasing new Post-Its. The idea is to own your dopamine chasing, but keep a lid on how much you spend to do so.

Secondhand/thrift store, Free Cycle – My daughter-in-law is the queen of Goodwill shopping. She can spend hours looking for deals, and always walks out of the store with a designer outfit that costs her next to nothing. The thrill of the hunt! Also, if you have a Free Cycle in your town, it is a great way to “shop,” with all merchandise costing zero. Free dopamine!

Make controlling spending fun! – Partner up with a friend, for accountability and cheerleading. Tally up all of the times you DON’T buy something. Make up a rap or poem to remind you of your non-spending goal. Getting that dopamine in other ways!

Unsubscribe from shopping emails – this is SO effective! If you need something, you will be able to get it, without the help of the thrice daily emails. And I get that little dopamine push every time I see “you are now unsubscribed.” Win/win!

All of the above strategies can work for pretty much anyone. Remember, though, that the most effective way to control spending is to understand the B and the E in B.E.A.S.T. – background and emotions. Armed with that information, you will be unstoppable!

PS – Want a copy of my “Strategies To Control Spending?” You can find it here, free! http://digioh.com/em/33248/200557/j9j2ny23pd

The ADHD tax. Have you heard of it?

Due to executive function challenges, folks with ADHD can lack organizational skills, which can in turn cause them to forget to pay bills. Add time blindness to the mix – “Oh, that’s not due for ages! I’ll worry about it then!” – and working memory issues that impact planning actions, and you have a recipe for the additional costs for goods and services, including late fees and higher borrowing costs due to lowered credit scores, that is semi jokingly referred to as the ADHD tax.

There are other ADHD related factors that impact financial stability. These include impulsivity (buying without forethought), people pleasing (gifts one can’t afford, or purchases to help one fit in or impress), and of course, dopamine seeking (shopping can boost dopamine, tracking one’s money is boring). While these don’t directly lead to the ADHD tax, the less control one has over their money situation, the more apt they are to avoid dealing with it, leading to behaviors that cost us.

If the only impact of the ADHD tax was to our wallets, while it wouldn’t be great, we’d probably just chalk it up to another ADHD problem, like losing our keys or getting lost in a project, and pay the late fees. However, there is more to the ADHD tax than dollars and cents.

The emotional cost associated with feeling financially out of control – for which the ADHD tax is an indicator – can be quite large. According to a 2020 study, ““participants who had difficulty paying bills were more likely to have high levels of depressive symptoms and anxiety compared to those who did not have financial difficulty.” Per a TIAA February 2024 report, 42% of U.S. adults say that money negatively impacts mental health.

Add ADHD to this witch’s cauldron of financial instability, and the emotional impacts increase. Per a study published by The Guardian, “…those with ADHD are twice as likely (76%) to suffer from anxiety linked to their finances compared with the general population (38%).” And even more alarming, according to a 2020 study by Beauchaine et al, “financial distress is associated with fourfold higher risk of suicide among those with ADHD.”

Suddenly the ADHD tax isn’t even remotely amusing.

You may have experienced the negative emotions that accompany the ADHD tax. Feelings of shame and embarrassment are common. One can feel hopeless – why can’t I manage to pay my bills on time like everyone else? And there can be guilt too, especially if others are impacted. These emotions can become cyclical: shame and guilt leading to avoidance of financial monitoring, or the classic “retail therapy” prescription, which can lead to more spending, which starts the cycle all over again.

So what is one to do about this?

There will be those who tell you “just use a budget app.” They may even tout an ADHD friendly budgeting system. However, that app, without any further accommodations and awareness, will sit on the shelf, gathering dust, while the emotional and monetary costs increase.

There are accommodations that can help – autopay, an accountability buddy to keep you from avoiding the issue, dopamine boosting rewards (I’m a fan of the Money Meeting – complete with coffee and cookies – with myself, weekly). If there is avoidance happening, we can dip our toes in by just checking balances for a couple of weeks. If we can afford it, maybe a virtual bookkeeper would help.

But in order for any strategy to work, we need to understand what is driving our behavior. And we need to accept the differences in how ADHD brains work, so that we are willing to stop trying to manage our finances the neurotypical way.

And for this piece of advice…no charge.

Tag: ADHD and money management

Spending Control the ADHD Friendly Way, Part 2!

The Emotional Cost of the ADHD Tax