732-723-8268

Category: Uncategorized

Home » Uncategorized » Page 4

Super Hero Status

Leave a comment

When I taught fifth grade, one of the topics we would discuss is what super power we would like to have. Invisibility was a big one among 11 year olds, as they envisioned being up to stay up late playing video games with no one knowing. I personally voted for being a human flame; although I told the kids it was to make s’mores at will, it was really to shoot my flames at anyone who got in my way (especially in parking lots).

Sometimes people refer to ADHD as a superpower. I’m not sure I agree with that; I feel like a superpower should have only upside, and as we know, ADHD has its downsides too. That would be like saying my anxiety is a superpower, because I’m prepared for any worst case scenario. Sure, it’s  come in handy to be ready for disaster, but the accompanying jaw clenching and worry is enough of a problem to take away superpower status, in my opinion.

But although I may not have a classic superpower, I do feel like I am a Super Heroine. I was a superhero in my role as a teacher, trying to tirelessly help kids learn, giving them a safe place to land, and listening to their feelings when others didn’t. Was I perfect? No way. But I did my best, and that, to me, is a superhero quality.

I truly believe that in our roles, we can be superheroes and heroines. Did we make someone laugh today? Did we help our kids with their homework? Get a jar of gravy off of a high shelf for an elderly person? Encourage someone to have hope? Listen to a client or friend, so that they felt heard?

All of these things, and more, allow us to gain Super Hero status. And the more we try to do our best in our roles, the more we try to learn and improve and be present for those that are in our lives, the larger and more colorful our capes become.

So I still wouldn’t mind being able to shoot flames out of my fingers when someone cuts the line at Trader Joe’s. But maybe I’m enough of a Super Heroine to let it go-this time.

Structure Overload

Leave a comment

Make a list, they said. Make a list, and a time to check it, and an alarm for that time, and an alarm to set the alarm for checking, and, and, and…

Yes, structure can be super helpful to ADHDers trying to survive in a neurotypical world. But when does structure become a barrier to success?

Some of ADHDer’s challenges stem from weak executive functioning, and compromised working memory. Recognizing this, and realizing that support for these areas will be necessary, is pretty crucial for improving one’s ability to stay organized, meet deadlines, and generally deal with obligations that keep us employed, sheltered, and not pissing off relatives by forgetting their birthdays. There is no shame in needing strategies and support for executive function, just like there’s no embarrassment in wearing glasses if you have impaired vision. 

And those supports really need to be the right ones for you. If I wear my husband’s glasses, I will easily walk into a wall. And if he wears mine, he will likely drive off a cliff. If I tried to use his to-do list, I’d probably lose my mind. And vice versa.

Sometimes, though, we go overboard-and the very structure that is supposed to help us becomes a burden. It might be too much structure-scheduling every minute of every day-or not the right kind. Some people thrive with bullet journals. Personally, not my jam (and I have tried, I have the gorgeous journals with 5 pages filled to prove it).

When we over-structure, it can cause discomfort, even resentment. And that’s the tipping point at which one might say “I hate all of these lists. That’s it, I’m done!” And the ADHD free fall begins.

We’ve all been there. It lasts…until the scales shift, and there’s more discomfort with the free fall than the structure. And back and forth we go.

But, what if we built some free fall into our structures? For example, one day a week without a to do list. Or an hour every day built in for just…being. Or maybe, including some time every week for going down rabbit holes.

It’s tough to balance one’s ADHD tendency to go down the rabbit hole with the need for a plan, to not just get stuff done, but also to feel good about the effort. But both are parts of the ADHDers’ make up. So why not just own that…instead of trying to extinguish it?