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Category: Routines

The Kids Are Ready…But Are You??

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Their backpack is brimming with new notebooks and supplies. You’ve loaded their lunch account with money, and their pens and pencils are ready to solve tricky math problems and write wonderfully creative stories. 

Your kids are ready to start the new school year…but are you?

School can be anxiety producing for parents, particularly for parents of neurodivergent kiddos. In addition to homework, projects, and after school activities, ADHD parents spend every day waiting for the shoe to drop. Waiting for the homework that has been left at school, the assignment due tomorrow that your child remembers at 10pm, or the phone call from the teacher, about your child’s various and sundry challenges that they’re not sure how to handle.

It’s exhausting. And disheartening.

Here, in no particular order, are five ways you can prepare yourself for your child’s school year, in order to make this year less stressful for YOU.

Wake up 15 – 30 minutes before your children do – We all like to roll over and get that last few minutes of sleep. But there is something so calming, and so wonderful, about having a few minutes of quiet before the day roars in. The time is yours, to use as you wish – coffee, meditating, working out, checking email, watching birds hovering at your bird feeder – however you would like to start your morning. 

Keep an updated calendar for the entire family Whether you use a Skylight, Google Calendar, or a big whiteboard, having a calendar where ALL of your family’s appointments, activities, major projects, and tests are in one place allows for better planning. It also enables your ADHD kiddo(s) to be supported in their time management challenges; encourage them, when they ask if they can meet up with friends on any given day, to check the calendar for their availability (and yours, if you need to drive them).

Practice talking less  As parents, many of us (myself included) feel the need to explain ourselves to our kids. “No, you can’t go out now, it’s 9pm,” turns into “No, you can’t go out now, it’s close to your bedtime, and I don’t want you to get to bed late, and then be tired tomorrow. You have a test, and you need to…” Your child hasn’t listened to anything beyond “no.” And you’ve used precious energy overexplaining. Keep it simple. If your child has questions or objections, they will most certainly let you know!

Find something to do consistently that shows obvious results Raising kids is about playing the long game. What you do today may not net results for years, or ever. Having something that enables you to net some quick progress is not only satisfying, it can mitigate feeling like you are getting nowhere. Reading, knitting, coding, baking, refinishing furniture – anything with a short term easily identified result can balance out that long term commitment. 

Be aware of your emotional temperature, and take a break when you need to  Learning how it feels to be hovering on the edge of exploding is something we try to teach our ADHD kids that struggle with emotional dysregulation; but are we applying this to ourselves? Feeling your face get hot, your heartbeat increase – those signals shouldn’t be ignored! If you find yourself about to lose it, take a short break. If you can get outside and take a walk, great. If not, hide in the bathroom or bedroom, and take deep breaths for a few minutes. Raising any kid, but particularly a neurodivergent child, can be very challenging to your patience – but blowing up at your kiddo won’t solve the problem, and will only leave the two of you feeling awful. Avoiding that icky feeling is worth taking a time out for a few minutes.

As they say in “The Hunger Games,” “may the odds ever be in your favor.” Put another way…have a great start to what will hopefully be a wonderful year!!

Five Things To Do (& Not Do) Before School Starts

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It’s just about August. And after that…well, you know.

I’m really not trying to be a doom and gloomer. But, ready or not, before you know it, that big yellow bus will pull up to the corner. So let’s talk about what to do – and not do – before that happens. Let’s meet this head on!

Here we go, in no particular order:

1 – If your child is starting a new school in a district that is new to them (or a new private school), DO contact the school.

Reaching out to the school’s guidance office can be really helpful, in the cases above. You can make sure the school has all documentation relating to your child (IEP’s, Section 504’s, behavior plans). While these documents should travel with your child, there can be delays; you want to be sure that the school is aware of your child’s ADHD and other learning differences. 

2 – DO NOT try to meet with your child’s teacher(s) prior to the start of the school year.

I know, I am flying in the face of articles you may have read. But as a retired teacher, I can tell you that teachers are not only incredibly busy getting ready for all of their students, they are probably doing so on their own time. If you’d like to email the teacher(s) to introduce yourself and your child, that’s fine. But meetings should wait until the year is underway. PS – teachers are professionals. They are required to read IEP’s and 504 plans prior to any student walking into their classroom – and they do.

3 – DO include your child in school supply shopping.

Believe me, I am well aware of the pitfalls of shopping with a child, with or without ADHD. However, school supplies are the tools that your child will use all year. They should have choices where possible, including having Fantastic Four folders or a Barbie pencil case. Furthermore, your child will be more apt to use and take care of supplies they have chosen. So Staples, here we come!

4 – DO start to incorporate morning and evening routines, and earlier bedtimes, before the year starts.

Summer is a time of freedom – playing outside by the light of fireflies, sleeping in, ice cream for breakfast. While we don’t want to cut off the fun before we have to, bringing back routines a week or so prior to the start of school will make that first day go much more smoothly. PS – if your child has been having an ADHD “medication vacation,” consider starting on back on medication before the first day of school. This will enable them to adjust to how they feel when on their ADHD meds.

And finally….

5 – DO NOT end the summer before you have to.

Kids work hard during the school year. ADHD kiddos have an even rougher road. While it is great to mitigate the “summer slide” with fun activities that have educational benefits (cooking together, playing board games, taking turns reading a book together), forcing workbooks and other schoolwork on your child during the summer is not, in my opinion, fair. Schools do assign summer work, and getting that done with a few weeks to spare enables your child to have summer last right up until it’s gone.

So enjoy the rest of the summer! Just keep one eye on that corner; that school bus is on the way.

ADHD Friendly Prime Days Picks!!

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It’s that time once again – Prime Days (July 8 – 11) are right around the corner! Here are my favorite ADHD friendly or supportive items for this year. Happy Shopping!!

Dry Erase Write On Dice Set

These dice are 2” x 2”, and you can write on them and then erase them. Why do I love these? These can be used in so many ways! You can write different chores on them, and have your kids roll the dice to see what they need to do first. Homework subjects? Morning or evening routine? We know that gamifying tasks make them so much more appealing to ADHDers, and these dice can make that happen super easily! https://amzn.to/3I65kki

Soundcore Active Noise Canceling Headphones and EarFun Noise Canceling Earbuds

You know how it goes. You finally sit down to get some work done, get started, and then you can’t help but hear the neighbors splashing in their pool. Mission aborted! Noise cancelling headphones and earbuds keep those shouts (and other noises) at bay, allowing you to concentrate on the task at hand, as opposed to how annoying the person in the next cubicle is being. These are the New York Times Wirecutter’s most recently recommended noise cancelling headphones and earbuds, in the budget category. The headphones adapt to your environment; the earbuds detect the shape of your ear canals, for maximum performance. Technology for the win! Headphones:  https://amzn.to/4lz2Xoh

Earbuds:  https://amzn.to/3TrtEiV

Raymnie Analog Clock for Kids (and adults too!)

Studies show that well over half of kids 6 – 12 do not know how to tell time on an analog clock. While this may not sound like a big deal – digital clocks are everywhere – it does impact the understanding of time passing. Without the movement of clock hands through the hour, the opportunity to see and feel time is missed. This is a serious omission for ADHDers, for whom time blindness is a real issue. While a timer can be very helpful, seeing time on a continuum really starts to strengthen this challenged executive function. This clock helps with learning to tell time, with an outer circle that delineates the minutes in the hour. And it’s colorful, which ADHDers love!  https://amzn.to/44tXpEO

“The ADHD Productivity Manual,” Ari Tuckman, PsyD

If you’ve ever heard Dr. Tuckman speak (and if you haven’t, I urge you to do so if you get the opportunity), you know that he is extremely knowledgeable about ADHD, and he has a plethora of practical strategies that he conveys in a clear and engaging manner. His latest book, “The ADHD Productivity Manual,” follows the same recipe. Easy to read and follow, great ideas to try out. Highly recommended!  https://amzn.to/46doKOf

Echo Dot Kids

If you haven’t already welcomed an Echo Dot (or another brand of smart device) into your home, let me stop here to say, where have you been?? It feels like these devices are built with ADHDers in mind, allowing you to set timers, get reminders, find out the weather, ALL BY JUST SPEAKING! Taking away that step of having to find paper and pen, or worse, pulling out your phone…oh wait, let me just look at Instagram for a minute…yeah, without THAT. AND there is a cute Echo Dot for kids! They can tell Alexa their morning routine, and Alexa can keep your kiddo on track. Homework help, audiobooks, everything with parental controls. Oh, and did I mention that you can have Mickey Mouse remind your child to brush their teeth, or Olaf can read them a story? All in all, it’s a great way to encourage your child’s independence while still giving them a safety net, and also teaching them how to accommodate their ADHD.  https://amzn.to/4lI77dU

Sukuos AM PM Weekly Pill Organizer

Finally, I wanted to include this pill organizer because I have one, and it has really been helpful. Asking myself “did I take my meds today?” and being afraid to double up, so possibly skipping altogether, had gotten very old.  And with this pill organizer, there’s no more taking the PM meds in the AM, or vice versa. There is plenty of room, which is helpful when you take vitamins or other supplements. And the AM and PM can be separated, making it easy to throw your AM meds into your gym bag while leaving your PM meds on the nightstand. https://amzn.to/4nvDsWK

Are there any items that you would like to recommend? I’d love to hear from you!

Disclosure: I am an Amazon Associate, and have an affiliate relationship with Amazon.

When Chaos Erupts

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Earlier this week I tripped, fell down the stairs, and fractured a bone in my ankle. I’m in a walking boot, which is way better than the crutches with which I was released from the ER.

Suddenly, everything is just a damn mess! I can’t drive, so every activity has to be recalibrated, postponed, or cancelled. I have new appointments with doctors to address the problem. And worst of all, at least for me – all of my routines are just shot.

It can be so difficult to establish routines, especially with ADHD. But once in place, routines become the anchors to our days. We feel organized and capable, which in turn leads to more organization, and more confidence. Structures and routines help to keep us from hours long rabbit hole searches, late night social media scrolling, midday naps. If I have a post lunch routine of making a cold brewed coffee and stretching, those actions send a signal to my brain that says “time to get to work.” Without the signal it’s a lot harder.

And now? My anchors are gone, and the ship is sinking!  But before I’m completely underwater, I’m trying to regroup. Here are some of the strategies I’ve discovered and leaned on in the past week:

1 – Take a small piece of your routine and try to save it. Part of my morning routine is making my bed. Looking at a messy unmade bed all day would serve as a reminder that I’m hanging on by a thread. I decided to save this part of my mornings.  So yesterday, I crawled around on my bed, getting it made. Holding onto something from your routines feels like an accomplishment (dopamine!) and will also make it easier to get back to them when the crisis is over.

2 – Find something that is a close substitute for a part of your routine you have to give up. Obviously, I can’t go running. But exercise is important for my physical and mental health. So today, I did a 30 minute seated upper body and core routine. Feeling good about doing what I can do, instead of focusing on what I can’t, and being proud of myself for taking action gave me a nice dopamine hit!. Use that ADHD creativity to find substitutions for what’s missing in your routines!

3 – Sit with your upset feelings. Whatever is driving the chaotic turn of events in your life, there will be activities that will be postponed or cancelled, people that you might not see, and possibly other disappointments. This can bring on feelings of frustration, sadness, anger – and as we know, emotional regulation is a challenge for ADHDers. However, I’m going to suggest that instead of squelching these negative emotions, we should attempt to just exist alongside them. Trying to push them away actually gives them strength and longevity. In the words of the late Dan Fogelberg, “Love if you can, cry if you have to, be who you must, that’s a part of the plan.” Did my frustration at EVERYTHING make me cry? You betcha! But that’s okay.

4 – Practice self compassion. The upside down of your life may be associated with one or some of your actions. Mistakes happen. You are human. Beating yourself up does not change the outcome. In fact, having compassion for yourself will enable you to bounce back from this downward trajectory much more quickly. Forgive yourself.

5 – Develop gratitude. Breaking my ankle, in a word, sucks. I’m no longer training for the NYC Marathon; I can’t even drive to a friend’s house. However, I am grateful for my doctor, my husband (a nurse extraordinaire!), the fact that it’s only a small fracture, and that my doctor thinks I’ll be fine by the end of the summer. All of this, big or small, is a reminder that although my day to day life is pretty messed up right now, I do have some great things and people to be thankful for. PS – if you don’t have a regular gratitude practice, think about starting one – it’s truly a game changer!

These are strategies that I’m putting in place. There may be more as the days roll on. But one thing for sure – my bed WILL be made.