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Category: Prioritization

My Emergency System

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Routines, habits, and structures are the supports that help ADHDers, and other neurodivergent folks, operate in our neurotypical world. Once we recognize that ADHD doesn’t mean you can’t pay attention (there’s that annoying name thing again), it means you have difficulty regulating focus, it’s just a few steps to “Aha! I CAN do things, I just find it hard to remember them, or stop doing interesting things to complete boring stuff. I just need some help with that piece!” And from there, reminders occur, body doubling ensues, and hopefully, productivity and self esteem rises.

But what about those cases where, despite having great systems, you just cannot get it together? What then??

First of all, don’t panic. Life is not just a linear journey. Things will happen that will upend our structures like a house of cards in a stiff wind. 

And second – have an emergency system at the ready.

You’ve heard those announcements – “This is a test of the Emergency Broadcast System. This is only a test. If this had been an actual emergency, you would have been instructed where to tune in your area for news and official information.”  In other words, if the you-know-what has hit the fan, we can, hopefully calmly, use what we already have in our possession to address it.

My personal emergency system consists of putting specific tasks on my calendar at specific days and times, rather than just carrying them on a to-do list. I need to know that at 2pm I will be reminded to drop off a package, and at 3pm I will be vacuuming. The time aspect forces me to act.

I also know that when in emergency mode, telling myself “oh I’ll remember that” when thinking of something I need to address is a BIG FAT LIE. So, when this happens, I will note it any way I can. If I can’t get to my task management app, that’s okay –  I can write on my arms, slap a Post It note onto my computer screen, or instruct Siri to text me about it. Anything that gives Working Memory a break.

In other words, my emergency system super sizes my everyday routines and structures. Nothing fancy, nothing that requires me to learn how to use a new app in the midst of chaos.

So, when is an emergency system put into play? Here are some scenarios.

1 – When you are feeling overwhelmed by everything you need to do. This can be planning a presentation, throwing a party, moving…anything where the number of steps is too high to count.

2 – When you are not 100%. Whether you are not feeling well physically, or are dealing with emotional fall out, having some extra oomph in your task management can help you to stay on track, even under difficult circumstances.

3 – When deadlines are short, and tempers are shorter. Tasks that need to be “completed yesterday” come with their own special brand of stress. This, in turn, can have you and everyone else involved grinding their teeth and ready to pounce on the next person who looks at them wrong. Heightening our task management in easy but effective ways can help us make progress despite the pressure.

Having your own emergency system gives you a structure to lean on when you feel as if the world is on fire. So give it some thought – you want to be ready when it’s not a test, but rather, an actual emergency.

When Chaos Erupts

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Earlier this week I tripped, fell down the stairs, and fractured a bone in my ankle. I’m in a walking boot, which is way better than the crutches with which I was released from the ER.

Suddenly, everything is just a damn mess! I can’t drive, so every activity has to be recalibrated, postponed, or cancelled. I have new appointments with doctors to address the problem. And worst of all, at least for me – all of my routines are just shot.

It can be so difficult to establish routines, especially with ADHD. But once in place, routines become the anchors to our days. We feel organized and capable, which in turn leads to more organization, and more confidence. Structures and routines help to keep us from hours long rabbit hole searches, late night social media scrolling, midday naps. If I have a post lunch routine of making a cold brewed coffee and stretching, those actions send a signal to my brain that says “time to get to work.” Without the signal it’s a lot harder.

And now? My anchors are gone, and the ship is sinking!  But before I’m completely underwater, I’m trying to regroup. Here are some of the strategies I’ve discovered and leaned on in the past week:

1 – Take a small piece of your routine and try to save it. Part of my morning routine is making my bed. Looking at a messy unmade bed all day would serve as a reminder that I’m hanging on by a thread. I decided to save this part of my mornings.  So yesterday, I crawled around on my bed, getting it made. Holding onto something from your routines feels like an accomplishment (dopamine!) and will also make it easier to get back to them when the crisis is over.

2 – Find something that is a close substitute for a part of your routine you have to give up. Obviously, I can’t go running. But exercise is important for my physical and mental health. So today, I did a 30 minute seated upper body and core routine. Feeling good about doing what I can do, instead of focusing on what I can’t, and being proud of myself for taking action gave me a nice dopamine hit!. Use that ADHD creativity to find substitutions for what’s missing in your routines!

3 – Sit with your upset feelings. Whatever is driving the chaotic turn of events in your life, there will be activities that will be postponed or cancelled, people that you might not see, and possibly other disappointments. This can bring on feelings of frustration, sadness, anger – and as we know, emotional regulation is a challenge for ADHDers. However, I’m going to suggest that instead of squelching these negative emotions, we should attempt to just exist alongside them. Trying to push them away actually gives them strength and longevity. In the words of the late Dan Fogelberg, “Love if you can, cry if you have to, be who you must, that’s a part of the plan.” Did my frustration at EVERYTHING make me cry? You betcha! But that’s okay.

4 – Practice self compassion. The upside down of your life may be associated with one or some of your actions. Mistakes happen. You are human. Beating yourself up does not change the outcome. In fact, having compassion for yourself will enable you to bounce back from this downward trajectory much more quickly. Forgive yourself.

5 – Develop gratitude. Breaking my ankle, in a word, sucks. I’m no longer training for the NYC Marathon; I can’t even drive to a friend’s house. However, I am grateful for my doctor, my husband (a nurse extraordinaire!), the fact that it’s only a small fracture, and that my doctor thinks I’ll be fine by the end of the summer. All of this, big or small, is a reminder that although my day to day life is pretty messed up right now, I do have some great things and people to be thankful for. PS – if you don’t have a regular gratitude practice, think about starting one – it’s truly a game changer!

These are strategies that I’m putting in place. There may be more as the days roll on. But one thing for sure – my bed WILL be made.

The Power of “Job Talk” For Adults

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After many years of on and off cigarette smoking, I was finally able to quit for good in February 2017. At the same time, I began running, and actually ran, and finished, my first half marathon in October 2017. Running was just something I did – not that  important, except when training for a race.

Fast forward a few years, to a long overdue check up. As the nurse took my pulse, she looked puzzled. She took it again, and shaking her head, said “your pulse is so low for someone your age.” At which point, I said, “I’m a long distance runner,” and it all suddenly made sense.

Just saying those words, “I’m a long distance runner,” changed so much for me. This isn’t just something I do, it’s part of who I am. Just thinking about that, on days I want to roll over and go back to sleep instead of putting in 8 miles, gets me to push off the covers and get moving.

And when runs, or races, don’t go the way I hope, it’s easier to deal with, because ups and downs are part of being a runner. The longevity implied by being, rather than doing, allows for success and failure, along a continuum.

Many – MANY – ADHDers struggle with task initiation, procrastination, and task avoidance. While this can be attributed, in part, to weak executive functions, and can, in part, be supported by a variety of strategies, there is also the cyclical shame and anxiety associated with these challenges. We can’t get started, so our work might be late or not as solid as it could be, which causes anxiety (“What if I can’t ever get this done?” shame (“I should be able to do this, why can’t I??”). Who wants to go through that over and over? Isn’t avoidance easier? (Ultimately we know the answer to that is no, but in the moment, that avoidance of shame and guilt is all we can handle).

How about approaching tasks slightly differently?

Kristen Jacobsen CCC/SLP, and Sarah Ward CCC/SLP propose using what they call “job talk” with kids. Rather than “Write this essay,” they suggest the declarative “We are essay writers,” claiming that using this format helps to activate non-verbal working memory and procedural memory, creates structure, and limits emotional reactions. Research has also been conducted on adult responses. When comparing reactions between “being a voter” (personal identity) and “voting” (behavior),it was found that the personal-identity phrasing significantly increased interest in registering to vote.

So how do you put this into action? 

You can be very broad about this, as I was with “I am a long distance runner.” However, if starting on a specific task is alluding to you, that can be the basis of your statement. “I am a job searcher,” “I am a kitchen organizer,” “I am a proposal writer.” Does that feel different to you? Do you start to imagine what that means? Prior thinking about your role is a mental dress rehearsal, which is a very powerful tool.

So – be a job talker today. And I’ll be a long distance runner. Let’s see how far we can get.

PS – Next post – calling tasks what they really are…to us (bad language included).

Resources:

Bryan, C. J., G. M. Walton, T. Rogers, and C. S. Dweck. “Motivating Voter Turnout by Invoking the Sense of Self.” Proceedings of The National Academy of Sciences 108.31 (2011).

Kristen Jacobsen and Sarah Ward. “360 Thinking: Breakthrough Strategies to Develop Independent Executive Function Skills.” (2023).

No Summer Slide For Executive Functions!

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In the words of Alice Cooper:

School’s out for summer,

School’s out forever.

I’m bored to pieces.

Before you hear that chorus of “Mom, what should I do? I don’t have anything to do. Tell my brother/sister to stop hitting me!” or you just surrender to letting the kids go on their iPads for eight hours, here are a few fun activities that in addition to keeping your kids occupied, will give them some great executive function practice (Ssshhhh! Don’t tell them this!) Note: these activities are designed for you or another adult to do with your child, in order to keep the task structured. Over time, your child may learn to structure these activities on their own.

Planning an outing – this could be anything from a trip to the ice cream shop, to a day at the beach, to a weekend at a hotel. Starting from the end goal, determine what steps are needed to get there (for example, going to the ice cream shop requires money and transportation; you need to know when you are going, how to get there, who is going and extending invitations to those who are not part of the planning, and what kind of ice cream you would like to get). Writing the steps is great practice for planning school projects and homework! More complex outings will require more planning; perhaps divide this up if you have more than one child involved. Executive functions utilized:  planning, organization, time management, working memory, emotional control, sustained attention, goal directed persistence, flexibility.

Cooking/Baking – Following a recipe is a great way to exercise the executive functions. And bonus! Math skills! The steps are already determined, but gathering ingredients and utensils, working with a timer (if necessary), deciding how much to make (doubling or halving definitely uses math), what size serving dish or bowls are needed – all of these can help your child use their executive function muscles. And think about the self esteem boost that comes from completing something delicious! Executive functions utilized: planning, organization, time management, working memory, emotional control, sustained attention, goal directed persistence, flexibility.

Crafts – there are so many different crafts, I couldn’t begin to list them all here. Crafting involves having a vision of what you would like the end result to be, and then determining the steps and materials that are needed to get there. So for example, if your child wanted to create a painting (assuming they have paint in the house), they would first have to decide what they would like their painting to look like. Planning backwards (and again, writing the tasks down), the steps would include putting on a smock, finding paper, paints, brushes and water, spreading newspaper on the table for spills, perhaps drawing the picture first, painting, and then cleaning up. After that, they can gather the materials (discussing these first is also good planning practice) and follow the steps to create their own Mona Lisa!  Executive functions utilized: planning, organization, time management, working memory, emotional control, sustained attention, goal directed persistence, flexibility.

These are just a few examples of how your child can continue their executive function development over the summer. So next time your child is “bored to pieces,” pull out that recipe book or paintbrush, and give those executive functions some exercise!