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Category: New Years Resolutions

The Holiday Gift of Letting Yourself Off the Hook

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We are in the midst of the holiday season-which, by the way, seems to have started in September, but I digress-and with every gift we purchase, every party we attend, many of us can’t help just raining down criticism. On ourselves.

“They’re going to know I didn’t spend a lot. Why didn’t I save more for gifts? Why can’t I control my finances? What is wrong with me??”

“If I could only get organized, I wouldn’t be shopping at the last minute. I’m just a mess!”

“I can see that they hate my gift. If I could only pay attention better, I would’ve had a clearer idea of what to get them. They must think I just don’t care!”

And on. And on. And on.

It’s not just ADHDers who have this anti-self patter reverberating in our brains-neurotypicals are prone to it as well, especially during high pressure moments. But for ADHDers, the negativity is often a way of life, with negative messages shooting like arrows at them since their youth.

How about giving yourself a little gift this holiday season? How about letting yourself off the hook?

When you start to think, “wow, I just suck,” how about a little self compassion? 

So you didn’t save more for gifts. Okay, maybe that’s something to work on. But the fact is-you’re giving gifts. Which is a really nice thing to do.

You’re shopping last minute. But hey-you’re getting some great markdowns!

They might not like your gift. But you did give something-again, very nice. Next time, maybe a gift card?

You get the idea.

And while you’re at it-maybe let your spouse, children, or parents off the hook, just for a bit.

It might be the best gift you ever give to them, or to yourself.

Merry Christmas, Happy Kwanzaa, and Happy 2024!!

Four Ways To Actually Stick To Your New Year’s Resolutions

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Every year people vow to begin a variety of self improvement activities at the start of the New Year. Diet. Quit smoking. Start working out. Read more. The New Year’s resolutions are as varied as the people who make them.

And then? A week goes by, maybe two…and the diet, or workout schedule, is slowly forgotten. According to Forbes, 81% of people who make New Year’s resolutions abandon them by February.

Maybe next year.

But wait! There actually are some strategies that can help make sticking to a New Year’s resolution more possible. Let’s explore!

1 – Pick one resolution to start with. Just one. Trying to change more than one habit at a time is asking for overwhelm. How do you pick? It can be the one that’s easiest to work on. Or maybe the one that’s most important to you. Which brings us to….

2 – Nail down why you want to make this change. If you can tie the resolution to your values, or something that really matters to you, the odds of actually doing something about it are definitely greater. For example, suppose you would like to keep your house cleaner. If it’s just a “should,” it’s difficult to feel enthused about picking up that sponge. But, if it’s tied to having people over and not feeling embarrassed, or waking up in a neat bedroom, or wanting your family to have a clean environment-these are all reasons that can be motivating.

3 – Break your resolution down into very small parts. So, going back to the cleaning example, start out with just sweeping every day, or wiping the counters. Or tidy up the kitchen every other day. The idea is to be successful, so that you continue to be motivated. But what if you still aren’t starting, or completing this task? The answer is-make it even smaller.

4 – Celebrate your successes, even the tiny ones. You’re doing it! Are you doing the whole task? Not yet. But you are working towards it. Do a fist pump, or a high five in the mirror. Call your mom and tell her!

If you can build on the smaller successes, there is a better chance of actually making progress on your resolutions-instead of shoving the list into the trash. Again.