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Category: Habits

Food For Thought….About Food

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Food and eating – a big topic during ADHD coaching sessions.

The questions about eating run the gamut – from looking for information about what foods positively, or negatively, impact ADHD, to addressing supplement use to mitigate ADHD symptoms in place of medication, to impulsivity with eating. There are also issues around food, like ADHD kiddos being unable to sit at the dinner table, or children raiding the snack cabinet at 4am.

Food is a big part of our lives. And having ADHD can add an entire layer of challenges and questions.

Here’s the thing: having grown up with what today would quite possibly be diagnosed as disordered eating, I am well aware of how careful we must be when addressing challenges relating to food. The last thing we want is for our kids-or ourselves-to feel bad or wrong because appetites spike when meds wear off, or because the sensory issues that often accompany ADHD makes the thought of eating eggs akin to torture.

I don’t want to mess this up. So, I called in the experts.

I worked with a very helpful and knowledgeable registered dietitian  (by the way, do you know the difference between a dietitian and a nutritionist? I do now!), to develop a list of questions to gauge dietitians’ general philosophies on food and body image, and their experiences with neurodivergent populations, with specific attention to ADHD and concurrent eating issues.

I am happy to say that the dietitians whom I contacted were very eager to chat with me, to discuss their views on food, diet, body image, ADHD, and sensory challenges, and to use their expertise and experience with neurodivergent folks to aid struggling ADHDers with navigating their eating journeys. These professionals brought a new perspective that was really interesting, and would be so helpful for ADHDers dealing with eating related challenges.

I am including their names and contact information below.

If you are interested in doing your own research to find a registered dietician that can meet your particular needs, including being ADHD informed, or is local to you, I’d be happy to share my question list with you. Just reach out!

Help is out there if you or your child is struggling with food related challenges, including those that are connected to ADHD. I strongly suggest calling in the experts, and getting the professional support you need, and deserve.

Registered Dietitians:

Tracy Colin, MS, RD
My Food, My Choice LLC
https://myfoodmychoicenutrition.com
tracy@myfoodmychoicenutrition.com
848-228-2046

Eliza Hiberlein, RDN
https://www.elizaheberleinrd.com/
ElizaHeberlein@elizaheberleinrd.com
732-978-9137

Andie Schwartz, M.ED, RDN, CLC, CSCS, NCSA-CPT. RYT
ABS Nutrition and Fitness
https://www.absnutritionandfitness.com/
andie@absnutritionandfitness.com
856-292-5355

Stephanie Van’t Zelfden, RDN, CIEC
Nutrition Hungry
https://www.nutritionhungry.com/
stephanie@nutritionhungry.com
856-320-5100

How Body Doubling Is Changing My Life!

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That sounds awfully dramatic, doesn’t it? But it’s the truth!

I have a project that has been sitting on my back burner for so long, it’s blending in with the decor. It’s a terrific project, a great idea, something that, if I can get it off the ground,will enable me to help people make major positive changes in their lives…

But, there it sits.

And the thing is, I already started it, awhile back. So it’s not about starting this project, and feeling overwhelmed. It’s about starting AGAIN.

It’s that same feeling you get when you’ve been going to the gym consistently, and then life happens, and you miss one workout, and another, and another. It’s almost harder to go BACK to the gym than it was to start in the first place.

What’s up with that?

When we are starting something new, there’s excitement. There’s anticipation. Using the gym example, there are so many possibilities-feeling great, looking chiseled, meeting new people.

But that excitement isn’t really there when we go BACK to something we’ve done in the recent past. Sure, we know it’s a good idea, we looked and felt much better when we were working out often, but it’s really hard to drum up that “new” feeling that kicks our enthusiasm-and our dopamine-up several notches.

And that’s exactly what I have run into with my project. I know it’s a great idea, but I also can’t garner that “Yahoo!” feeling. The newness isn’t there. Plus I also know about the downside-that I actually have to do work to make it happen!

Enter body doubling. Body doubling is when we work alongside someone, as opposed to with them. It is a great way to keep working-you’re not going to start playing on your phone when you’ve committed to working and your body double can see you. So it works fantastically well for distractions.

But as an incentive to start a task? Yup!

A friend offered to body double with me while I work on this project. She had some work to do as well, so we would both benefit.

And suddenly, the newness was there! I was going to work with my friend! And be able to share my progress! 

This new twist made all the difference.

So far, we’ve body doubled once, and now, I’m working away on my project even when she’s not around, so I can tell her how far I’ve come since I saw her last. Accountability is built into the process, along with having a work buddy.

Now, there is actually hope of completing this project in the foreseeable future, which could really be a game changer for me, and others. 

The project is off the back burner. In fact-it’s got a hell of a fire under it. Thanks to body doubling.

If you are interested in body doubling with me, you can register for my weekly Monday afternoon sessions-FREE! Here’s the link:  https://calendly.com/constellationadhdcoach/body-doubling

The Holiday Gift of Letting Yourself Off the Hook

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We are in the midst of the holiday season-which, by the way, seems to have started in September, but I digress-and with every gift we purchase, every party we attend, many of us can’t help just raining down criticism. On ourselves.

“They’re going to know I didn’t spend a lot. Why didn’t I save more for gifts? Why can’t I control my finances? What is wrong with me??”

“If I could only get organized, I wouldn’t be shopping at the last minute. I’m just a mess!”

“I can see that they hate my gift. If I could only pay attention better, I would’ve had a clearer idea of what to get them. They must think I just don’t care!”

And on. And on. And on.

It’s not just ADHDers who have this anti-self patter reverberating in our brains-neurotypicals are prone to it as well, especially during high pressure moments. But for ADHDers, the negativity is often a way of life, with negative messages shooting like arrows at them since their youth.

How about giving yourself a little gift this holiday season? How about letting yourself off the hook?

When you start to think, “wow, I just suck,” how about a little self compassion? 

So you didn’t save more for gifts. Okay, maybe that’s something to work on. But the fact is-you’re giving gifts. Which is a really nice thing to do.

You’re shopping last minute. But hey-you’re getting some great markdowns!

They might not like your gift. But you did give something-again, very nice. Next time, maybe a gift card?

You get the idea.

And while you’re at it-maybe let your spouse, children, or parents off the hook, just for a bit.

It might be the best gift you ever give to them, or to yourself.

Merry Christmas, Happy Kwanzaa, and Happy 2024!!

I Use Multiple Task Management Systems Simultaneously, And It Works For Me

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A common joke amongst ADHDers is, when some well meaning but misinformed soul says, “All you need is a planner/bullet journal/to-do list app,” the response is “OMG, I’m cured! Thank you!!” Cue laughter.

Many folks with ADHD have tried a variety of task management strategies and systems. Whether it’s handwritten or online, ever hopeful folks with executive function challenges sample these systems, reading articles and purchasing apps. And it may work-for about two weeks. That’s when the newness wears off, and the planner is chucked in a corner, ultimately collecting dust.

This is not a judgment of anyone, ADHDer or otherwise, who does not stick with a particular task management system – I personally have many, many apps and journals that didn’t last. But I will say this:  if we know that the ADHD brain is interest based, and is going to pursue the new and exciting option, and will eschew something that has lost its luster, we need to work with that.

Enter my Many Systems System.

I use a variety of systems and tools to keep track of my tasks, and to get them done. And while there is some method to my madness, a lot of it is driven by my mood. Yup, I said it-my mood.

I use Todoist as my main task management system. It works well for me, as I’m able to schedule the many repeating tasks that are part of my coaching business-prepping for sessions, writing summaries, and reconciling my bank account.

But I don’t just use Todoist. For example, sometimes something will pop into my head-let’s say “get my oil changed.” Now if I was Todoist only, I’d stop what I was doing, and put this task into my app, perhaps in the “Inbox” section, which is kind of the brain dump area. 

But sometimes, it’s easier to  just write it on a Post-It note-or more fun (there are some very cute Post-Its). Or I’ll tell Siri to remind me at 4pm to call the mechanic and make an appointment. Or I might just make it a Google Task, and pop it into a specific day on my Google Calendar. Or I have an app called “Quicky Sticky” on my phone, which is basically a virtual Post-It-also a good place to jot something down. Whatever floats my boat in the moment.

If I have a task that I KNOW I will avoid, I put it into my Due app. Due will remind me of a task over and over, all day and night, until I either move it, or do it. So for things like “give the dog the flea and tick meds she hates,” Due is my go to. It is a silent but forceful nag.

Then there are the days that I have a lot to do, and  I feel overwhelmed.  On those days I like to write all of my to-do’s for that day on actual paper, and cross them off as I complete them. “But aren’t your tasks on Todoist? Isn’t this a waste of time and effort?” Yes, there is something less efficient in doing this. However, if writing it all down on paper helps me to feel less anxious, and allows me to get that “Zing!” from crossing off tasks, it’s worth it to me.

So, in case you are counting, I actively employ six apps, and two written methods-all being used simultaneously. 

Now you might wonder if this gets confusing. Honestly-no, it doesn’t. There are a couple of practices that I’ve learned over time to help. First, tasks on apps all have reminders attached to them. This way, no matter where I’ve put the task, it will pop up. Also, I take two minutes at the end of every day putting any written to-dos, and those on Quicky Sticky, into Todoist or Due, so that they too are residing on my phone, with a reminder.
Having a Many Systems System can take some getting used to. But one thing for sure-I never get bored. And that means abandoning my task management system doesn’t happen very often. Which helps me to stay on task much more consistently. And that’s the goal, right?

The One Hack You’re Probably Ignoring To Get Things Done

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ADHDers don’t just love novelty – they need novelty. If something isn’t interesting, or new, or about to burst into flames, it’s just not on the ADHDer radar.

So when boring tasks need to be tackled-folding laundry, sending thank you notes, responding to emails, paying bills-the neurodivergent ADHD mind says “No thank you. That is incredibly dull, so I’ll just ignore it.” Which can cause a whole big set of problems.

The solution is to turn boring jobs into…less boring jobs. Finding ways to have cleaning the kitchen become even the slightest bit enticing. Because once we start, we most likely will keep going, right? 

There are many ways to add some spice to tedious chores. Put on music. Watch TV. Listen to an audiobook or podcast. Promise yourself you will work for five minutes and then take a break.

But there’s one hack that you, as a responsible adult type, are probably turning up your nose at. And you shouldn’t.

It’s gamifying.

“Sure,” you say, “I gamify tasks for my kids all the time. They’re kids though!”

I’m here to say it-gamifying is for adults too. It is the secret sauce that makes an otherwise deadly dull task-dare I say it-fun. Which means you’re more likely to actually do it.

Here are a few ideas on how to gamify grown-up jobs:

Beat the Clock – Set a stopwatch, and see how long it takes you to empty that dishwasher. Write it down, and then see if you can beat it next time. Turn it into a family competition-give those kiddos a reason to help out with chores!

Snowball Fight – can be played alone, or with others. On small strips of paper, write down each task you need to accomplish that day. Crumple each up one, and throw them into the air! Then pick one up, and complete it. And another, and another.

Trashketball – works for anything involving paperwork. When you have read/dealt with any paper, crumple it up and try to toss it into your trash can from a distance. Keep track, and reward yourself after 5 baskets.

Card Catalog – For jobs with several steps, write each step on an index card. Then, write 1-5 prize cards that say “take a break” or “dance to one song” – whatever works for you. Insert the prize cards randomly into the deck, and when you hit one of those cards, follow the directions. The anticipation will keep you going! This is also a fun one for family chores.

“But wait,” you say, “I’m going to feel really silly doing this.”

Yup, you might. But you know what won’t feel silly? Getting things done. That’ll feel great. And I truly believe, we could all use a drop more silliness in our lives.

So get a little goofy. And get that stuff done.

ADHD Books That I Love!

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As promised, here is a list of some of my favorite ADHD books, just in time for Prime Days on July 11 and 12. Here we go!

Your Brain’s Not Broken – Tamara Rosier

If you are only going to buy one book from my recommendations, this would be the one I would say is a must. I have been fortunate enough to attend a few webinars held by Tamara Rosier, so I was excited to read her book-and it did not disappoint! Your Brain’s Not Broken has user-friendly explanations of ADHD brain differences, including examples. Additionally, the strategies presented, which take the emotional dysregulation ADHDers can experience fully into account, are explained so well that they can be put into action quickly and easily.

What I love about this book: I love everything about Your Brain’s Not Broken! First of all, the notion of motivation being determined by emotions is so thought provoking; it makes so much sense, but this is the first time I’m seeing it spelled out so clearly. Also, Rosier’s presentation of different clients, and her own ADHD, makes this book so relatable. I couldn’t put it down! https://amzn.to/3NF0YzH

ADHD 2.0 – Edward M. Hallowell and John J. Ratey

Dr. Hallowell could be called one of the Grand Poobahs of ADHD research, treatment, and writing. ADHD 2.0 is an update to Hallowell’s original book, Driven to Distraction, which was (and still is) the ADHD bible. ADHD 2.0, in addition to explaining the brain science behind ADHD, also discusses different ways to enable ADHDers to thrive (such as exercise and connecting with others).

What I love about this book:  Dr. Hallowell’s approach is strengths based, meaning that rather than focus on what one has difficulty with, ADHDers are encouraged to lean on what they are great at. Dr. Hallowell is such a positive force in ADHD treatment, and that shines through in ADHD 2.0. https://amzn.to/44EculN

how to keep house while drowning – KC Davis

This book, and the YouTube and TikTok videos that KC Davis has created, are legendary among ADHDers. Ms. Davis has developed Struggle Care, a very basic plan for keeping your house in some form of order, based on the (very true) concept that having a messy house is not a moral failure, it is simply a functional challenge. how to keep house while drowning has suggestions for housekeeping that take into account ADHD, depression, anxiety, postpartum…basically, life. You can use the 31 day plan that is presented, or just read through and choose what you’d like to work on.

What I love about this book:  Throughout how to keep house while drowning, one feels like you are sitting and schmoozing with a friend who is telling you that it’s all going to be okay, and that you’re being too hard on yourself. It’s a comforting little booklet. https://amzn.to/46EJfAY

Smart But Scattered – Peg Dawson and Richard Guare

Smart But Scattered is a great book for parents who are looking for practical advice on how to help their ADHD child work with their challenged executive functions. There is a terrific explanation of what the executive functions are, with examples. A section on general strategies to employ when dealing with your child follows. Finally, there are suggestions (with implementation plans) and examples relating to a variety of issues that any ADHD parent will recognize.

What I love about this book: The approach that is presented in Smart But Scattered towards working with your ADHD child is on point. Dawson and Guare tell parents to “modify tasks to match your child’s capacity to exert effort,” and “begin by changing things outside the child before…strategies that require the child to change.” In other words, work with your child, not against them. Doesn’t sound terribly profound…but it is. https://amzn.to/3O4zUuR

All Dogs Have ADHD – Kathy Hoopmann

All Dogs Have ADHD is a picture book full of dogs doing, well, dog things. But what makes this book special is that the pictures tell the story of ADHD. So, a dog jumping into a lake is “diving straight into a situation without thinking about the consequences.” You get the idea. This book is great for kids who have ADHD, and also those who don’t, but spend time around ADHDers. The photographs are beautiful, and the pups are adorable.

What I love about this book: Parents often want to sugarcoat for their kids. All Dogs Have ADHD doesn’t do that-while the book does end on a very positive note, the positives and negatives are given equal time. Also…dogs. Need I say more?? (PS-there is a companion book, All Cats Are On The Autism Spectrum) https://amzn.to/46RhntE

I could go on and on..but I’ll save some of my faves for another post down the road. Happy Reading!!

Disclosure: I am an Amazon associate, and have an affiliate relationship with Amazon.

This Can Help You Win The Fight Against Procrastination!

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Procrastinating. We all do it – it’s not just a neurodiverse activity. It’s just that ADHDers seem to do it more often.

Choosing to delay action, even though this delay will have negative consequences, is the working definition of procrastination. So, for example, putting off paying my bills is a form of procrastination, because I know that if I pay late, I will have to pay interest, and late fees. Yet I still choose to put it off, because ugh, bills.

There are many reasons we procrastinate – fear of doing the task incorrectly, lack of interest (and therefore no dopamine hit), needing “just right” circumstances, disorganization, feeling overwhelmed…the list goes on.

Is there anything can we do to successfully battle procrastination??

Enter Piers Steel, and the Procrastination Equation. Steel developed this equation to explain the components of motivation:

Motivation = Expectancy X Value/Impulsiveness X Delay

So, being a former Math teacher, I’m kind of partial to equations…but that’s me.  Before you shriek “I hate Math!” and run away, let me try to translate this. What Steel is saying is how motivated you are depends on four components: expectancy, or how confident you are that you can complete the task; value, or how important completing the task is to you; impulsiveness, or how easily you can be distracted from the task; and delay, or how short or long the timeline is.

So, in order to increase motivation, per Steel’s equation, you need to increase confidence or importance, or decrease distraction or the timeline, in order to increase motivation.

Here is an example to make this even clearer.

Let’s go back to my procrastination relating to paying my bills. If I can increase my confidence that I can pay my bills correctly, and/or feel the value to me of paying them, I will be more motivated. So, using autopay can help me to feel confident, and recognizing how good it feels to have it done raises the value of doing the task.

Decreasing distractions, and shortening the timeline can also help curb procrastination. So I can pay my bills with my phone in Focus mode, and can break the task into smaller parts so that I have a “completion” more often.

What I love about this is that it’s ACTIONABLE. There are four different areas where you can make changes, and motivation will increase. This equation gives you a starting point.

Think about something that you have procrastinated on in the past, or are even avoiding right now. Can you make a change to one of the four components in Steel’s equation that will help lessen your desire to put something off? Even just tweaking one component-promising yourself a treat if you start the task will add some value, right-can make a difference.

I’m off to pay my bills. I’ll let you know how I do.

Structures That Work For YOU To Get Things Done

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I spend a lot of time trying out different task management systems. You name it, it’s lived for a time on my phone. I think a lot of us do this, hoping that THIS will be THE ONE that solves the problem, and ensures that this time you will get your oil changed on time (oh crap! I’d better look into that!).

I’ve learned, though, that in order to find apps or journals that will help-and they really can-you need to first understand just where you need support in the task completion process. 

Completing a task that you are not working on immediately has three parts. First, is knowing that there is a task, and understanding what completing that task involves. Second, is remembering that you need to do this task, when it is due, and where it stands in terms of prioritization. Third is actually working on the task, whether it is doing the entire thing at one time, or doing it in parts (in which case you need to understand what parts must be done first).

To find the Holy Grail of organizational systems-or just something that works, most of the time-it is important to know where in the task completion process you find yourself flailing about.

For example, I am fine with knowing that there is a task, and understanding what I need to do. I am also fairly diligent about working on the task. But that can only happen if I actually remember that I need to do something. And that is where it all falls apart, for me.

The area in which I need support is remembering that there IS a task, and paying attention to where it exists on the food chain of my life. Which means that a to-do list, organized according to urgency and importance, can bridge the gap for me. 

If task initiation is a challenge, reminders and alarms may be your best friend. And time blocking-putting the task into your calendar as an event-can help you to actually “see” the time to start.

You may be on top of remembering, and getting down to business. But you may have difficulty with knowing how long certain jobs will take, and scheduling too much in one day. Apps that have you plan out each day, and actually warn you when you are doing the Future Overwhelm Dance, might be right for you.

Some people do better with writing it all down, in journals, on whiteboards, with index cards. Others leave their journals everywhere except where they need them, but having access to a digitally based system makes it as simple as picking up their smartphone to see what’s on their plate. And there are those who use a combination of analog and digital.

And some people have an accountability buddy who texts reminders.

There are many different ways one can struggle with the task of doing tasks-and just as many ways to deal with that chink in the armor. Knowing where YOU struggle can help you to find the right structural support. It can also help you to avoid trying app after app after journal after list. 

Now let me check on that oil change….

Routine vs. Ritual, and Which One Helps You Get Things Done

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When one looks up the definitions of the words “routine” and “ritual,” at first it looks like they are pretty much the same thing-a “series of actions performed in a prescribed order.”

But when I delved a bit further, I did find one significant difference that can be a real game changer when it comes to getting things done.

Rituals are considered ceremonial. 

We often equate rituals with religion, because there are many rituals that take place during worship, in every religion. But ceremony doesn’t have to just be about prayer or attending services weekly. 

We can add elements of rituals to our routines…and that can give us the shot of dopamine to get the job done.

For example, I have a routine for paying my bills. I do it on the 15th of every month, regardless of the day of the week. I write certain expenses out; others I enter on a spreadsheet. At the end of this routine the bills are ready to be auto-paid by my bank.

However, I also have included ritual in this process. I never sit at my desk to do this-I always sit on the bed, where I am comfortable, and can spread out my papers. I always have a large cup of coffee or tea beside me. And generally, “Law and Order SVU” is on in the background.

Now, these components are not really part of the routine for paying bills. But they are part of the ritual. I could pay the bills without them, but it wouldn’t be the same. And while I won’t go so far as to say I look forward to bill paying, the ritual elements do make it far more pleasant, and satisfying.

How can you add ritual elements to your routines? Is it a particular playlist? A special snack? An apron that belonged to your grandmother?

Ritual elements can make routines, well, less routine. And that can help us to keep doing them.

Give it a try!

Four Ways To Actually Stick To Your New Year’s Resolutions

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Every year people vow to begin a variety of self improvement activities at the start of the New Year. Diet. Quit smoking. Start working out. Read more. The New Year’s resolutions are as varied as the people who make them.

And then? A week goes by, maybe two…and the diet, or workout schedule, is slowly forgotten. According to Forbes, 81% of people who make New Year’s resolutions abandon them by February.

Maybe next year.

But wait! There actually are some strategies that can help make sticking to a New Year’s resolution more possible. Let’s explore!

1 – Pick one resolution to start with. Just one. Trying to change more than one habit at a time is asking for overwhelm. How do you pick? It can be the one that’s easiest to work on. Or maybe the one that’s most important to you. Which brings us to….

2 – Nail down why you want to make this change. If you can tie the resolution to your values, or something that really matters to you, the odds of actually doing something about it are definitely greater. For example, suppose you would like to keep your house cleaner. If it’s just a “should,” it’s difficult to feel enthused about picking up that sponge. But, if it’s tied to having people over and not feeling embarrassed, or waking up in a neat bedroom, or wanting your family to have a clean environment-these are all reasons that can be motivating.

3 – Break your resolution down into very small parts. So, going back to the cleaning example, start out with just sweeping every day, or wiping the counters. Or tidy up the kitchen every other day. The idea is to be successful, so that you continue to be motivated. But what if you still aren’t starting, or completing this task? The answer is-make it even smaller.

4 – Celebrate your successes, even the tiny ones. You’re doing it! Are you doing the whole task? Not yet. But you are working towards it. Do a fist pump, or a high five in the mirror. Call your mom and tell her!

If you can build on the smaller successes, there is a better chance of actually making progress on your resolutions-instead of shoving the list into the trash. Again.