What does the expression “ADHD tax” mean? It refers to any monetary penalty that ADHDers are subjected to, due to the executive function issues that are part of ADHD. Here are some examples:
- Fees for late, or nonpayment, of bills
- Fees for overdue library books, rental cars, equipment, due to late return
- Higher interest rates for mortgages and loans, due to lower credit scores associated with late payments
- Larger credit card balances that cost more to pay off due to lack of savings for emergencies
- Large credit card balances due impulse purchases
You get the idea. And you’ve probably experienced one or two of these. But here’s the thing – the ADHD tax is so much more than dollars and cents.
Let’s take the example of late or nonpayment of bills. You receive your electric bill, and toss it on the counter along with the ads and other bills. And there it sits. A few weeks later, you (hopefully!) remember that you haven’t seen the electric bill in awhile, and that you need to pay it at some point. Or you don’t remember at all, until you get the next bill, which includes a past due notice and a late fee. There’s the ADHD Tax…but it’s only the beginning.
First you are hit by anxiety and fear. Suppose your electricity goes out? What if you can’t work because you have no internet, how will you explain that to your boss? Your partner? Your roommates? The brain goes into fight, flight, or freeze mode; your heart is pounding, and you feel panicky. It’s hard to make yourself think and act in a calm manner.
Next comes guilt. You start to blame yourself for this “failure,” as you have a thousand times before. Why can’t you do things right? When are you going to grow up and become responsible? This is all your fault! If your kids are walking around in the dark, it will be on you! Your emotional dysregulation is escalating, and rational thought has left the room.
Next up – shame. Shame is a huge issue for ADHDers. They so want everything to be okay, and would love to be like their neurotypical pals. Yet they cannot be. Here is where you will really go into high gear to put yourself down. You feel embarrassed, and ashamed of your lack of action, despite knowing that it is not your “fault,” it is due to your ADHD. You think about telling your partner, or parent, about this, and you are mortified.
And where does all of this lead? Your amygdala has you frozen already. You have judged yourself to be completely hopeless, and unable to handle this very simple task – paying your electric bill. Plus you may need to call the electric company to explain your late payment, and that is beyond what you can handle right now. So…avoidance. Who wants to think about this situation anymore? It’s just making you feel bad. You’ll deal with it…later.
And on…and on…and on.
So what can we do to improve this situation? Here are some strategies:
- Autopay!! The best invention for ADHDers who struggle with paying bills on time!
- If autopay doesn’t exist for a particular bill, see if you can get an e-bill rather than a paper bill. As we’ve seen, paper bills go into a never ending messy pile that is unlikely to be noticed. For e-bills, create a folder, and move the bills there. You don’t have to even look at the bill, just pop it into the bill folder.
- Pay bills monthly. You don’t have to pay bills as soon as they come in. If you pay monthly, you are more likely to notice what has been paid (and what hasn’t), rather than haphazardly sending off checks throughout the month.
- Following through with the monthly bill paying, make that enjoyable as best as you can – nice snacks, a cup of tea or coffee, music if that helps you to stay focused.
- Create a template or list with all of the bills on it, so that you can check them off as you pay them (organization and dopamine all in one!).
- Have an accountability buddy follow up with you each month. This can be a spouse, parent, or a friend. Due to the delicate nature of money, it’s best to ask someone who will have no trouble being impartial, but also will not take on the role of judge, or coach.
These are all great ways to get the bill paying under control. But the most important strategy? Recognize that you are not irresponsible, or immature, or a horrible person. Understand that ADHD makes these kinds of tasks difficult, and that finding a way to get bill paying done that works with your brain is essential. And have some self compassion – you are not awful. You simply haven’t found an ADHD friendly solution – yet.