732-723-8268

Category: ADHD Support

Home » ADHD Support » Page 2

The Power of “Job Talk” For Adults

Leave a comment

After many years of on and off cigarette smoking, I was finally able to quit for good in February 2017. At the same time, I began running, and actually ran, and finished, my first half marathon in October 2017. Running was just something I did – not that  important, except when training for a race.

Fast forward a few years, to a long overdue check up. As the nurse took my pulse, she looked puzzled. She took it again, and shaking her head, said “your pulse is so low for someone your age.” At which point, I said, “I’m a long distance runner,” and it all suddenly made sense.

Just saying those words, “I’m a long distance runner,” changed so much for me. This isn’t just something I do, it’s part of who I am. Just thinking about that, on days I want to roll over and go back to sleep instead of putting in 8 miles, gets me to push off the covers and get moving.

And when runs, or races, don’t go the way I hope, it’s easier to deal with, because ups and downs are part of being a runner. The longevity implied by being, rather than doing, allows for success and failure, along a continuum.

Many – MANY – ADHDers struggle with task initiation, procrastination, and task avoidance. While this can be attributed, in part, to weak executive functions, and can, in part, be supported by a variety of strategies, there is also the cyclical shame and anxiety associated with these challenges. We can’t get started, so our work might be late or not as solid as it could be, which causes anxiety (“What if I can’t ever get this done?” shame (“I should be able to do this, why can’t I??”). Who wants to go through that over and over? Isn’t avoidance easier? (Ultimately we know the answer to that is no, but in the moment, that avoidance of shame and guilt is all we can handle).

How about approaching tasks slightly differently?

Kristen Jacobsen CCC/SLP, and Sarah Ward CCC/SLP propose using what they call “job talk” with kids. Rather than “Write this essay,” they suggest the declarative “We are essay writers,” claiming that using this format helps to activate non-verbal working memory and procedural memory, creates structure, and limits emotional reactions. Research has also been conducted on adult responses. When comparing reactions between “being a voter” (personal identity) and “voting” (behavior),it was found that the personal-identity phrasing significantly increased interest in registering to vote.

So how do you put this into action? 

You can be very broad about this, as I was with “I am a long distance runner.” However, if starting on a specific task is alluding to you, that can be the basis of your statement. “I am a job searcher,” “I am a kitchen organizer,” “I am a proposal writer.” Does that feel different to you? Do you start to imagine what that means? Prior thinking about your role is a mental dress rehearsal, which is a very powerful tool.

So – be a job talker today. And I’ll be a long distance runner. Let’s see how far we can get.

PS – Next post – calling tasks what they really are…to us (bad language included).

Resources:

Bryan, C. J., G. M. Walton, T. Rogers, and C. S. Dweck. “Motivating Voter Turnout by Invoking the Sense of Self.” Proceedings of The National Academy of Sciences 108.31 (2011).

Kristen Jacobsen and Sarah Ward. “360 Thinking: Breakthrough Strategies to Develop Independent Executive Function Skills.” (2023).

No Summer Slide For Executive Functions!

Leave a comment

In the words of Alice Cooper:

School’s out for summer,

School’s out forever.

I’m bored to pieces.

Before you hear that chorus of “Mom, what should I do? I don’t have anything to do. Tell my brother/sister to stop hitting me!” or you just surrender to letting the kids go on their iPads for eight hours, here are a few fun activities that in addition to keeping your kids occupied, will give them some great executive function practice (Ssshhhh! Don’t tell them this!) Note: these activities are designed for you or another adult to do with your child, in order to keep the task structured. Over time, your child may learn to structure these activities on their own.

Planning an outing – this could be anything from a trip to the ice cream shop, to a day at the beach, to a weekend at a hotel. Starting from the end goal, determine what steps are needed to get there (for example, going to the ice cream shop requires money and transportation; you need to know when you are going, how to get there, who is going and extending invitations to those who are not part of the planning, and what kind of ice cream you would like to get). Writing the steps is great practice for planning school projects and homework! More complex outings will require more planning; perhaps divide this up if you have more than one child involved. Executive functions utilized:  planning, organization, time management, working memory, emotional control, sustained attention, goal directed persistence, flexibility.

Cooking/Baking – Following a recipe is a great way to exercise the executive functions. And bonus! Math skills! The steps are already determined, but gathering ingredients and utensils, working with a timer (if necessary), deciding how much to make (doubling or halving definitely uses math), what size serving dish or bowls are needed – all of these can help your child use their executive function muscles. And think about the self esteem boost that comes from completing something delicious! Executive functions utilized: planning, organization, time management, working memory, emotional control, sustained attention, goal directed persistence, flexibility.

Crafts – there are so many different crafts, I couldn’t begin to list them all here. Crafting involves having a vision of what you would like the end result to be, and then determining the steps and materials that are needed to get there. So for example, if your child wanted to create a painting (assuming they have paint in the house), they would first have to decide what they would like their painting to look like. Planning backwards (and again, writing the tasks down), the steps would include putting on a smock, finding paper, paints, brushes and water, spreading newspaper on the table for spills, perhaps drawing the picture first, painting, and then cleaning up. After that, they can gather the materials (discussing these first is also good planning practice) and follow the steps to create their own Mona Lisa!  Executive functions utilized: planning, organization, time management, working memory, emotional control, sustained attention, goal directed persistence, flexibility.

These are just a few examples of how your child can continue their executive function development over the summer. So next time your child is “bored to pieces,” pull out that recipe book or paintbrush, and give those executive functions some exercise!

Back At It

Leave a comment

The last time I wrote a blog post was November 4, 2024. 

It would sound so legit if I were to say that so many earth shattering things had occurred in my life, I just didn’t have an extra second to devote to blogging. Or that I’d found someone who said they would write the blog for me, and then they absconded with their payment, and didn’t write a thing. Drama always distracts from the facts.

But in reality, and truthfully…I just wasn’t feeling it. Since I am my own boss, the urgency level is determined by me. It’s super easy to tell my employee (me) “oh, that’s not really a priority right now.” Just because it’s something I wasn’t in the mood to do.

Sound familiar?

We all have those tasks that we can convince ourselves really aren’t important, or are just not important at the moment. Often, and not so coincidentally, these are the things that we also don’t feel like doing. Plus with ADHD, importance doesn’t have the same power that it does for neurotypicals. If you’ve ever struggled to start on your taxes, you know what I’m saying.

So how did I get back to my laptop and start writing a blog post? Here are a couple of strategies that helped.

1 – Discard embarrassment – we can get completely stuck by being concerned with what others will think. The reality is, it’s pretty unlikely that anyone cares enough to be thinking “Oh, here’s Annette’s blog. She’s really been slacking off on this.” If someone actually has noticed that my blog has been on an unannounced hiatus, that might mean they actually read it, which would be a positive!

2 – Find value in the task – A potential client, when contacting me to set up a Discovery Session, said that he gets my “newsletter.” This was a solid indicator that the blog was having a direct impact on my business. Seeing what it is about this task that will make your life easier or better in some way can nudge you towards getting started, or in my case, re-started.

3 – INCUP – According to Dr. Thomas Brown, ADHD brains are interest based (anyone who has spent hours absorbed in learning about something relatively obscure can attest to this). Therefore, per Dr. Brown, motivation for ADHDers comes from interest, novelty, challenge, urgency, or passion (otherwise known as INCUP).”Sure,” you say,”that works great when it’s something I find compelling. But how about something I’m just not into?” The trick is to turn the task into something that has at least one of the INCUP motivators going for it. In my case, I went for novelty by body doubling with a friend to write my first blog post of 2025. I added in some urgency by telling my body doubling partner what I was going to be working on, inserting some accountability into the equation. I could’ve tried a challenge, and seen how quickly I could get a post done. Or passion, by first making a list of blog posts I’d be excited to write.

4 – Rewards – there are many things I might want to do this afternoon instead of writing this blog post. So I will let myself do them – after the post is written.

All in all, writing this blog post felt very comfortable for me. And I was able to get it done, using the strategies above.

Welcome back to me!

Crossing the Finish Line With ADHD

Leave a comment

Yesterday I went to mile 22-ish to cheer my daughter on at the New York City Marathon (and yes, she did great!!). As I stood on a Manhattan street corner, a sea of runners moved past me. They were all ages, sizes, and all running at different speeds. I saw a woman pushing a man in a wheelchair, and a blind man running with guides. Some people looked like they were out for a relaxed jog, while you could see the pain of every step written on the agonized faces of others.

I found myself studying the runners, looking for clues to connect a runner’s demeanor with…something. Of course, the major factor for all competitive runners is training, which I could not see. But there are other more observable differences. Some runners were running, others were doing a combination of running and walking. There were runners who had doused themselves with water, and were dripping wet, trying to stay cool on a sunny day. Shorts were worn by some; pants by others, with jackets and hats. In other words, each runner had adjusted their pace, and their environment, to their own particular needs.

In my coaching practice, I often come across clients who seem stunned when I suggest making some changes that could make life easier-reminders, alarms, a text from me as their coach-and say “I should be able to do this on my own!” Says who? Your unique brain might need something different from the brain of the guy in the cubicle next door. That doesn’t make you wrong or weak-just different. Being neurodivergent means recognizing this, and honoring it.

Let’s be clear here. The marathon is 26.2 miles, and it is not made shorter for anyone. There might be ways to mitigate those miles – taping your knees, having a great podcast cued up-but you must run each and every mile.

Work and home projects work the same way. Filing your paperwork, or cleaning out your closet, cannot be shortened if you are to bring them to completion. But listening to music, or making a game of cleaning, or body doubling with a friend, can help to support your efforts. Which isn’t cheating-it’s smart.

In the end, I have never heard of someone being disqualified from the marathon because they wore compression socks. As long as they have crossed the finish line, they are marathoners. And no one will say you didn’t send out thank you notes because you rewarded yourself with ice cream when you were done. They’ll probably say “that’s brilliant!”