Why Won’t My Kid Do Homework??

Among my clients past and present, one of the biggest issues seems to be homework. Not just for younger kids – this extends from the elementary grades, all the way through college.

It would be difficult to find a kid who LIKES homework (excluding fun projects). But ADHD kiddos in particular seem to have an aversion to assignments that outmatches their neurotypical peers. Why is that?

  • Lack of dopamine – completing homework generally does not give someone a major dopamine boost. In ADHDers, whose dopamine is already compromised, this makes doing homework less attractive than…well, almost anything. Homework is boring!
  • Reward system differences/time blindnesskids with ADHD don’t respond to negative consequences as a motivator. This means that telling your child “if you don’t do your homework you will fail the class” doesn’t have the impact it would have on a neurotypical child. Furthermore, due to time management executive function challenges, using a future impact to convince an ADHD child to do their work is ineffective. ADHDers tend to have two time periods: now, and some other time. And some other time is vague and not really a factor.
  • Additional work due to incomplete class assignments – ADHD kiddos, whether due to lack of focus, lack of interest, or not attending to/understanding directions, can have difficulty completing classwork during the class period.They may then be tasked with completing the work at home. This is not given instead of homework; it is added to the homework load. So ADHD kids can, on any given night, have double the workload of neurotypical children.
  • Challenges with planning and organization many kids – and adults – with ADHD lack the ability to plan and organize their assignments. This is due to executive function weaknesses, including non-verbal working memory challenges. So when your child comes home, all they see is this massive mountain called Homework, which they find intimidating. Avoidance is a natural response to this.
  • Not knowing what they need to do – with my clients, I have found that every teacher has their own way of disseminating information. Some use Google Classroom. Some expect students to copy homework assignments from the board, into their planners. Some yell out, at the end of class, “do the problems on page 9 for homework!” This inconsistency is anathema to a child that already has issues with organization. 

So yes, there are real reasons relating to your child’s ADHD for being less than thrilled about homework. But homework exists anyway. What can we do?

Here are some strategies to try with your ADHD kiddo, gleaned from my years as both a teacher, and an ADHD coach:

1 – Speak to the child’s teacher(s) – if your child is struggling with getting their homework done in a reasonable amount of time, or if your family’s wellbeing is being challenged by nightly homework battles, your first stop is the teacher. There is no way for the teacher to know what goes on after school without someone telling them. If your child is older, they can have a conversation with the teacher. Advocating for themselves is a life skill they will need as they get older.

2 – Help your child plan out their homework – Every day, have an adult (you or someone else) sit down with your child to develop a plan for getting their assignments done. This means going through Google Classroom (if being used), notebooks, and planners to see what has been assigned and when it is due. Be sure to ask your child if they have any additional classwork to finish up. If your child is older, it is still important for them to complete this planning stage. Perhaps emailing it to you is a good way to have accountability without your direct participation.


3 – For larger assignments, help your child plan out the steps to completion – This includes determining what actions are necessary (so, rather than putting “book cover” on your list, include a verb like “draw book cover”), and creating deadlines for each step. Again, having your older child do this and emailing it to you works well. This is basically outsourcing non-verbal working memory.

4 – Designate a space for your child to do their homework – This does not have to be a desk in their room; in fact, being away from everyone may lead to turning to other, more dopamine producing activities (aka videogames). Setting up at the kitchen table consistently can work, as long as there isn’t a ton of distractions and activity.

5 – No screens before or during homework – Many of us feel sorry for our kids, and want to let them have a little fun before going back to work. However, once they are on their phones or watching TV we have lost them, and the pull back to homework becomes substantially more painful. Screentime, in whatever form you choose, can be the reward for homework completion; it is not necessary or advisable before or during homework time.

6 – Try body doubling with your kid – Body doubling, an extremely successful ADHD strategy, involves working at the same time, in the same place (in person or virtually) as someone else, but not directly working with them. So, for example, sitting at the kitchen table while your kid does homework, you can be paying bills, doing your own work, or even just reading. It helps to keep both parties on track. You can do this with your college student on Zoom – bonus points for having contact with your kid!

There are many, many more strategies living in my ADHD Homework toolbox – these are just a few to get you started. Please reach out if you need more help!

 

Back At It

The last time I wrote a blog post was November 4, 2024. 

It would sound so legit if I were to say that so many earth shattering things had occurred in my life, I just didn’t have an extra second to devote to blogging. Or that I’d found someone who said they would write the blog for me, and then they absconded with their payment, and didn’t write a thing. Drama always distracts from the facts.

But in reality, and truthfully…I just wasn’t feeling it. Since I am my own boss, the urgency level is determined by me. It’s super easy to tell my employee (me) “oh, that’s not really a priority right now.” Just because it’s something I wasn’t in the mood to do.

Sound familiar?

We all have those tasks that we can convince ourselves really aren’t important, or are just not important at the moment. Often, and not so coincidentally, these are the things that we also don’t feel like doing. Plus with ADHD, importance doesn’t have the same power that it does for neurotypicals. If you’ve ever struggled to start on your taxes, you know what I’m saying.

So how did I get back to my laptop and start writing a blog post? Here are a couple of strategies that helped.

1 – Discard embarrassment – we can get completely stuck by being concerned with what others will think. The reality is, it’s pretty unlikely that anyone cares enough to be thinking “Oh, here’s Annette’s blog. She’s really been slacking off on this.” If someone actually has noticed that my blog has been on an unannounced hiatus, that might mean they actually read it, which would be a positive!

2 – Find value in the task – A potential client, when contacting me to set up a Discovery Session, said that he gets my “newsletter.” This was a solid indicator that the blog was having a direct impact on my business. Seeing what it is about this task that will make your life easier or better in some way can nudge you towards getting started, or in my case, re-started.

3 – INCUP – According to Dr. Thomas Brown, ADHD brains are interest based (anyone who has spent hours absorbed in learning about something relatively obscure can attest to this). Therefore, per Dr. Brown, motivation for ADHDers comes from interest, novelty, challenge, urgency, or passion (otherwise known as INCUP).”Sure,” you say,”that works great when it’s something I find compelling. But how about something I’m just not into?” The trick is to turn the task into something that has at least one of the INCUP motivators going for it. In my case, I went for novelty by body doubling with a friend to write my first blog post of 2025. I added in some urgency by telling my body doubling partner what I was going to be working on, inserting some accountability into the equation. I could’ve tried a challenge, and seen how quickly I could get a post done. Or passion, by first making a list of blog posts I’d be excited to write.

4 – Rewards – there are many things I might want to do this afternoon instead of writing this blog post. So I will let myself do them – after the post is written.

All in all, writing this blog post felt very comfortable for me. And I was able to get it done, using the strategies above.

Welcome back to me!

How Body Doubling Is Changing My Life!

That sounds awfully dramatic, doesn’t it? But it’s the truth!

I have a project that has been sitting on my back burner for so long, it’s blending in with the decor. It’s a terrific project, a great idea, something that, if I can get it off the ground,will enable me to help people make major positive changes in their lives…

But, there it sits.

And the thing is, I already started it, awhile back. So it’s not about starting this project, and feeling overwhelmed. It’s about starting AGAIN.

It’s that same feeling you get when you’ve been going to the gym consistently, and then life happens, and you miss one workout, and another, and another. It’s almost harder to go BACK to the gym than it was to start in the first place.

What’s up with that?

When we are starting something new, there’s excitement. There’s anticipation. Using the gym example, there are so many possibilities-feeling great, looking chiseled, meeting new people.

But that excitement isn’t really there when we go BACK to something we’ve done in the recent past. Sure, we know it’s a good idea, we looked and felt much better when we were working out often, but it’s really hard to drum up that “new” feeling that kicks our enthusiasm-and our dopamine-up several notches.

And that’s exactly what I have run into with my project. I know it’s a great idea, but I also can’t garner that “Yahoo!” feeling. The newness isn’t there. Plus I also know about the downside-that I actually have to do work to make it happen!

Enter body doubling. Body doubling is when we work alongside someone, as opposed to with them. It is a great way to keep working-you’re not going to start playing on your phone when you’ve committed to working and your body double can see you. So it works fantastically well for distractions.

But as an incentive to start a task? Yup!

A friend offered to body double with me while I work on this project. She had some work to do as well, so we would both benefit.

And suddenly, the newness was there! I was going to work with my friend! And be able to share my progress! 

This new twist made all the difference.

So far, we’ve body doubled once, and now, I’m working away on my project even when she’s not around, so I can tell her how far I’ve come since I saw her last. Accountability is built into the process, along with having a work buddy.

Now, there is actually hope of completing this project in the foreseeable future, which could really be a game changer for me, and others. 

The project is off the back burner. In fact-it’s got a hell of a fire under it. Thanks to body doubling.

If you are interested in body doubling with me, you can register for my weekly Monday afternoon sessions-FREE! Here’s the link:  https://calendly.com/constellationadhdcoach/body-doubling

How Accountability Partners Help, And Why It’s Not Nagging

According to research studies, publicly committing to your goals translates into a 65% chance of completing them. But, if you want real firepower, having an accountability partner increases that to 95%.

A 95% chance of meeting your goals? That’s almost a sure thing! What is this magical accountability partner of whom you speak??

An accountability partner is a specific person with whom you share your tasks and goals, and then to whom you report back your progress. Some people have accountability buddies that are attempting to work towards the same benchmarks, or on the same events; for example, if two people are training for a marathon, they can have a common plan, and keep each other motivated. 

It is important to note, however, that accountability partners do not have to be involved in the same activity. I often act as an accountability partner to my clients, and if they are training for a marathon….well, that’s not happening on my side of the fence!

Why does this work? And what makes this different than having someone just nag you to do something until you do it?

People tend to perform differently when they are being observed (think about when your boss is walking around, or when company is coming over and you’re frantically cleaning). So if there is someone that is going to be cognizant of whether or not you complete what you’ve committed to, there is a greater chance that you will stick with it. And if it’s more personal – for example, telling one friend that will follow up with you, versus the ubiquitous Facebook announcement – the odds that you will really work towards meeting that challenge grow astronomically.

But how does this differ from having your husband, wife, mom, etc, call you up and say “Did you get your oil changed?” And when you say no, they ask “Well, why not? You know that’s going to ruin your car! And then…”

Because an accountability partner has no skin in the game. They will simply ask you “Did you get your oil changed?” And when you say no, they say…nothing. Or they say “do you have a plan for that?”

So accountability partners live in a judgment-free zone. There’s no nagging. If you accomplished your goal, high five! If you didn’t, they don’t want to know why not. It’s your problem to solve.

What can work really well is to have a reciprocal accountability buddy arrangement. So, you ask me about my oil change, and I’ll ask you if you’ve gotten the dog her shots. Again, no nagging, but it’s nice to have a level playing field. And both partners benefit!

I’ve tried out accountability partners this family members on a reciprocal basis – meaning I have someone I’m accountable to as well. Let me tell you, when I know that on Friday afternoon I’m going to have to report to my buddy about my progress, I am WAY more likely to actually have made some! 

So, give accountability buddies a try! See how it feels..and watch that productivity skyrocket!